[Rachel Introducing her sister to everyone.]
Rachel: That's Joey.
Joey: How you doin ?
Rachel: DON'T !!!!!

[Rachel is giving birth]
Monica: I can't believe this is taking so long. How're you doing?
Rachel: Not bad. You know that feeling where you try to blow a St. Bernard out your ass?
Ross: And soon someone will call her "Mom."

[Rachel is giving birth]
Ross: Let's go - one more time - one final push. Ready? 1... 2... 3!
[Rachel pushes really hard and jerks her head forward hitting Ross in the head. He falls down]
Ross: Keep pushing!
Rachel: Are you okay?
Ross:[Slowly getting up] You have no idea how much this hurts!
[Rachel and Dr. Long stare at him]
Ross: Keep going! Keep going!
Season 9

[Rachel is on a plane to London and talks about her reasons for her journey to a passenger across the aisle while another passenger is trying to sleep next to her]
Rachel: [to the passenger across the aisle] So then I realised, all the stuff that I had been doing-proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding-was all a way of trying to tell him...
Other Passenger: [waking up, irritated] OH, OH, OH, OH!! I'm sorry, can I interrupt? I just want to say that you are a horrible, horrible person!!
Rachel: [surprised] Pardon me?
Other Passenger: You say you love this man, and yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life! I have to agree with your friend 'Pheebs'! This is a terrible, terrible plan!
Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
Other Passenger: Why? He loves this Emily person! No good can come of this!
Rachel: I think you're wrong!
Other Passenger: [sarcastically] Oh, no! [puts his fist in his mouth and is about to put on his headphones] And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear that you WERE on a break! [Rachel gasps]

[Rachel is upset that Ross is telling her to hurry up.]
Rachel: This isn't about the movie theater. This is about you stealing my wind.
Ross: Excuse me -- your wind?
Rachel: How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow?
Ross: You know, um... I don't have a... have a... problem with that.

[Rachel opens her first paycheck.]
Rachel: Isn't this exciting! I earned this! I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally... not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money?

[Rachel tries to install baby-proofing things in the apartment.]
Rachel: Are you saying that women can't do it?
Joey: Women can do it; you can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this.
Rachel: Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
Joey: The hardware store's just down the street.
Rachel: There's a hardware store down the street?

[Richard shaved his moustache.]
Monica: Your lip went bald!

[Ross and Cheryl are at her apartment.]
Cheryl: Would you like to come in?
Ross: Did homo erectus hunt with wooden tools?
Cheryl: According to recent findings!

[Ross and his attractive cousin Cassie are reminiscing.]
Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.
Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?
Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.

[Ross and Joey talk during a game of catch.]
Ross: They found a Paleozoic amphibian in the jaws of a Mesozoic mastodon! How did it get there?
Joey: Maybe this should be more of a quiet game.

[Ross and Julie have just arrived from China]
Julie: We've gotta get some sleep.
Ross: Yeah, it's really 6:00 tomorrow night our time.
Chandler: Well, listen, don't tell us what's gonna happen though, 'cause I like to be surprised.

[Ross and Rachel are locked out of the apartment, with baby Emma inside.]
Rachel: Oh, no! What if she jumps out the of the basinet!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up... but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh, my...! I left the water running!
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please just...just pull yourself together okay?
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and --
Ross: Oh, my, you know what, I think you're right! I think -- you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: [beat] Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

[Ross baby-talks to Rachel's belly.]
Phoebe: How can you let him talk to your crotch like that?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh! Okay! Okay, 'cause when -- when he said "I can't wait to hear your first words," I thought, "There's a trick!"

[Ross begins the lightning round with questions for Joey and Chandler]
Ross: What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
Joey: Big Fat Goalie.
Ross: Correct. [A stung Monica reacts] Rachel claims this is her favourite movie.
Chandler: Dangerous Liaisons.
Ross: Correct. Her actual favourite is-
Joey: Weekend at Bernie's!
Ross: Correct. [Rachel gasps] In which part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14? [Chandler thinks, then whispers in Ross's ear] Eww, no!! [Monica winces] Her ear! Monica categorises her towels. How many categories are there?
Joey: Everyday-use.
Chandler: Fancy.
Joey: Guest.
Chandler: Fancy Guest.
Ross: Two seconds.
Joey: Eleven?!
Ross: [clicking time]Eleven. Unbelievable. Eleven is correct. All right, that's four for the guys. Ladies, you're up. [The teams trade places, doing the double-fist bumps to each other] Thirty seconds on the clock. Five correct questions wins the game. The lightning round begins...now. What is Joey's favorite food?
Monica: Sandwiches.
Ross: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
Rachel: Fourteen?
Ross: No, nineteen.
Chandler: Thanks, man.
Ross: Joey had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was...
Monica: Maurice.
Ross: Correct. His profession was...
Rachel: Space cowboy.
Ross: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?
Rachel: Oh, gosh! Does it have something to do with numbers?
Monica: And processing.
Rachel: And he carries a briefcase.
Ross: Ten seconds. You need this or you lose the game.
Monica: It has something to do with transponding.
Rachel: Oh, oh! He's a transponds...transponster!
Monica: That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this... [Ross clicks time--they've lost the apartment] NO!!!