Friends quotes
613 total quotesAll Seasons
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[Joey is reluctant to do another Soap Opera Digest interview because the previous one got him fired.]
Joey: Who knows what I might say this time?
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say!
Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid!
Ross: Just then, or -- or all the time, 'cause... we have jobs, you know.
Joey: Who knows what I might say this time?
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say!
Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But, hey! You guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I, you know, start to say something stupid!
Ross: Just then, or -- or all the time, 'cause... we have jobs, you know.
[Joey stares at Monica's fake breasts.]
Monica: Joey, they're not real.
Joey: ...Uh, what?
Monica: Mine start miles beneath the surface. See. [squeezes one twice, it goes "HONK, HONK"]
Chandler: Wow, it's like porno for clowns.
Monica: Joey, they're not real.
Joey: ...Uh, what?
Monica: Mine start miles beneath the surface. See. [squeezes one twice, it goes "HONK, HONK"]
Chandler: Wow, it's like porno for clowns.
[Joey stops over at Chandler and Eddie's during breakfast to pick up his mail.]
Joey All right, that's it! He just comes in here, "Johnny New Eggs," with his moving the mail and his "See ya, pals!" [imitates Eddie's salute] And now there's no juice. There's no juice for the people who want the juice and need the juice. I need the juice!
Joey All right, that's it! He just comes in here, "Johnny New Eggs," with his moving the mail and his "See ya, pals!" [imitates Eddie's salute] And now there's no juice. There's no juice for the people who want the juice and need the juice. I need the juice!
[Joey tells the group about his participation in a fertility study.]
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey -- but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
Joey: I mean, I just go down there every other day and... make my contribution to the project. Hey, hey -- but at the end of two weeks, I get 700 dollars!
Phoebe: Wow! Ooh, you're going to be making money hand-over-fist!
[Kate and Joey are discussing Kate's boyfriend, Marshall]
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating. [Points to Lauren, Kate's understudy and Joey's current girlfriend.]
Joey: It's not the sweater. It's what's underneath the sweater that counts.
Kate: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating. [Points to Lauren, Kate's understudy and Joey's current girlfriend.]
Joey: It's not the sweater. It's what's underneath the sweater that counts.
[Leslie finishes a song and everybody claps.]
Phoebe: See, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Leslie: Okay, my next song's called:
Phoebe: See, see, everyone else is happy she's done.
Leslie: Okay, my next song's called:
[Mindy's maid-of-honor Rachel appears in a poofy pink dress.]
Rachel: I can't believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous!
Rachel: I can't believe I have to walk down the aisle in front of 200 people looking like something you drink when you're nauseous!
[Monica and Chandler are looking at photos.]
Monica: Chandler, what is wrong with your face? This picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron." [The photographer laughs.] Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my drowning moron.
Monica: Chandler, what is wrong with your face? This picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron." [The photographer laughs.] Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my drowning moron.
[Monica and Chandler each borrow money from Joey, forcing him to lie to them both until they find out.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over, Joe!
Joey: Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over, Joe!
Joey: Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?
[Monica and Chandler jump under the bedcovers. Chandler swiftly doffs his clothes.]
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
Monica: Wow! You are really fast!
Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.
[Monica and Chandler kiss.]
Monica: Hey, do you think you can keep that suit a little longer?
Chandler: Santa? Really?
Monica: Yeah. Is that okay?
Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up as Santa?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Then it's OKAY!
Monica: Hey, do you think you can keep that suit a little longer?
Chandler: Santa? Really?
Monica: Yeah. Is that okay?
Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up as Santa?
Monica: No.
Chandler: Then it's OKAY!
[Monica and Phoebe are on a double date with UN Diplomat Sergei and his translator.]
Monica: I speak a little French too. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[The translator shrugs and blushes.]
Monica: What did I say?
Translator: You just asked me whether I wanted to go to bed with you tonight!
Monica: I speak a little French too. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
[The translator shrugs and blushes.]
Monica: What did I say?
Translator: You just asked me whether I wanted to go to bed with you tonight!
[Monica and Phoebe greet Amy]
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Phoebe: [she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Amy: Oh, that's a funny noise.
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Phoebe: [she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Amy: Oh, that's a funny noise.
[Monica has just walked in on Joey and Chandler's freshly robbed by a stupid move by Joey apartment]
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.
[Monica is returning a video.]
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and -- aww, it's 8:02.
Monica: You know, in a weird way, you have too much power.
Clerk: Six dollars, please.
Monica: Six? I just had it for one night. It's three.
Clerk: Eight o'clock is the cut-off and -- aww, it's 8:02.
Monica: You know, in a weird way, you have too much power.