[After Ross and Emily's disastrous reception.]
Joey: You know, I think that went well.
Chandler: It could've been worse; he could have shot her.

[At the doctor's office, Phoebe sits before a Petri dish with her brother and sister-in-law's embryos]
Phoebe: Hello, teeny embryos. I'm, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi! I'm, I'm, I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice -- who you know! You've been there! You know, they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on! Okay? And, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. So. Okay. Oh! And, also, um, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry -- that's what's supposed to happen.

[At the Lamaze class, mother-to-be Carol panics after seeing a videotaped birth.]
Ross: Everything's going to be all right.
Carol: What do you know?! No one's going up to you and saying, "Hi! Is that your nostril? Mind if we push this POT ROAST THROUGH IT?"

[Best man Ross is walking down the aisle with bridesmaids Phoebe and Rachel.]
Ross: This is nice.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I've never walked down the aisle knowing it can't end in divorce!
Season 8

[Chandler and his roommate Eddie are talking about their ex-girlfriends.]
Eddie: So who broke up with who?
Chandler: I broke up with her. She actually thought Sean Penn was the capital of Cambodia!
Eddie: Yeah! 'Cause everybody knows that the capital of Cambodia...
Chandler:... is not Sean Penn!

[Chandler and Monica start to make out.]
Chandler: How drunk are you?
Monica: Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk enough that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.
Chandler: That's the perfect amount!

[Chandler and Phoebe both get ready to break up with their significant others.]
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: It's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.

[Chandler and Ross looking for camera's, Ross walks over to table]
Ross: Did you find them yet?
[Chandler pops out from under the table]
Chandler: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's why I'm under here, celebrating.

[Chandler dressed as Santa, has just been asked to leave]
Chandler: But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.

[Chandler has been listening to an anti-smoking hypnosis tape for women without knowing it's for women, and Joey overheard the tape and inserted his overlaping recording into it to make Chandler stop listening to it]
Joey's Voice On Recording: Joey's your best pal. You want to make him fresh sandwiches everyday. You also want to buy him thousands of dollars in pants.

[Chandler is angry that Joey and not himself is going to be Ross's Best Man.]
Chandler: [to everyone in the room] I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther!
Gunther: What is my last name?
Chandler: [short pause] Central... Perk?

[Chandler is begging to Elaine to not make him go to Tulsa.]
Chandler: Oh i love Tulsa, Tulsa is heaven,Tulsa is Italy, Please don't make me go there!

[Chandler is livid at a china plate being broken.]
Chandler: All right, that's it!! This is our apartment and you can't behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all! Those plates may not be as nice as the pretty pink ones that I picked out, but they're important to Monica! And I want you to apologize to her right now!
Amy: I'm sorry.
Rachel: I'm so sorry!
Chandler: That's better! Now I want you to apologize to each other, and mean it!
[The sisters apologize to each other.]
Chandler: By the way, that fight was totally arousing!
[The girls glare at Chandler and walk away.]
Ross: [to Chandler] Well done! If I die, Rachel dies and Monica dies, you can totally take care of Emma!
Chandler: Really? Thanks!
Ross: So... now do I get Joey?
Chandler: Okay. But you should know he eats five times a day and shoves pennies up his nose!