Ross: How can you not be going?
Rachel: Well, I'm not gonna go... so I think that will accomplish the not going.

Ross: How did you write this ?
Chandler: I stole from Monica and changed the name.
Ross: You can't do that.
Joey: If he goes first, he can.

Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.
Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious.

Ross: I don't get a goodbye?
Rachel: What?
Ross: Everyone gets a goodbye but me? What've I got to do to get a goodbye? Be best friends with you? Go out with you? Have a baby with you? Oh wait a minute, wait a minute, I did all those things!

Ross: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.
Chandler and Joey: That's nice.
Ross: No, no. With him. I'm on this field, and they... they hike me the baby. And I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defense is coming right at me.
Joey: Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.
Ross: Right, but it is just me and the baby, so I'm thinkin' they can take us.

Ross: I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller: Three divorces."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at Marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say "Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive."

Ross: I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there will be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically, you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and live forever as a machine!
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

Ross: I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: What's up ?
Ross: This may be a little awkward..
Chandler: Listen, if you wanna borrow money it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Ross: No, it's not that. What I'm gonna say to you I'm not saying it as your friend, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.
Chandler: But you're still my friend ?
Ross: Not for the next few minutes.
Chandler: During this time, are you still my best man ?
Ross: Nope.
Chandler: Can I still call you Ross ?
Ross: Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this : If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass. [Chandler bursts out laughing] What ? I'm serious [Chandler laughs again] Hey dude ! Stop it okay ? I'm not kidding here !
Chandler: I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.
Ross: No problem.
Chandler: So we're friends again ?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me !

Ross: I studied ka-ra-te for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concep--
Phoebe: Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel.
Ross: Okay, maybe it means that, too.

Ross: I'm just going to wander around in the rain.
Rachel: Uhh... it's not raining.
Ross: I can't catch a break!

Ross: I'm kind of going through a dry spell, sex wise...
Joey: oh, for like , months ?
Ross: Five to be.. Lying.. Six...
Joey: Six ? That's rough..
Ross: It's not all bad, I'm learning to appreciate the small things like the sound of a bird and like the colour of the sky .
Joey: The sky's blue, Ross, and I had sex last night...

Ross: If she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait, wait. Unless eventually I call her, you know, just to see what's going on, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over.
Joey: Way to be strong, man!

Ross: Is Emma awake yet?
Rachel: It's still nap time. She'll be up soon.
Ross: Where's Joey?
Rachel: I said, it's still nap time.
[Joey awakes from his nap.]
Ross: There's Uncle Joey! Say something to Emma for her 18th birthday!
Joey: [starts to turn on his charm for the camera] 18, huh?
Ross: [switches off the camera] NO!
Joey: It's for her hot friends!
Ross: When they see this you'll be 52!
Joey: And starting to think about settling down!

Ross: It's amazing, okay? You just reach in there, there's just one little maneuver, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right? As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm trying that.
Joey: You know what blows my mind? Women can see breast whenever they want, you just look down and they are there! How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: You know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things and, like, not even care.
[Long Pause]
Ross: ... Multiple Orgasms!

Ross: Look at all those stars. Infinite space. Really makes you wonder.
Joey: You know what else makes you wonder? Check out the rack on this chick!