Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it!
Ross: You're mad at me about last night? I was trying to do the right thing!
Rachel: Really? Well, if you had done the right thing, I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied!
Ross: Well...
Rachel: Stop that!!
Ross: I can't believe this! I was being a good guy! I treated you with respect and understanding!
Rachel: [sarcastically] That's so hot!
Ross: I was looking out for you!
Rachel: I am a big girl! I don't need someone telling what's best for me!
Ross: I've got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before; this is the worst ever!
Rachel: It wasn't very good for me, either!
Joey [Pheobe has walked out on trying to teach Joey French. When he comes in he says] Poooo

Rachel: Isn't that just kick you in the crotch, spit on your neck fantastic?!

Rachel: It seemed my prom date had stood me up. So, selflessly, Ross offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a sweet story!
Paul: So, Ross, you were in college, and you jumped at the opportunity to take a young girl to her high school prom?
Rachel: Wow! Did not see that one backfiring.

Rachel: Mon, what am I gonna do? It's been hours and it won't stop crying.
Monica: "She," Rach. Not "it." She.
Rachel: Yeah. I'm not so sure.

Rachel: Monica, we need more candy.
Monica: What? There's only been like 4 kids!
Rachel: Yeah I know, but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything.
Phoebe: No wonder you're pregnant.

Rachel: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: Still... it's just such reckless spending.
Ross: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
Chandler: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop.
Monica: That was me.

Rachel: Monica? You're gonna be very proud of me. I just got us dates with two unbelievably cute nurses.
Joey: Oh, my!
Rachel: They're male nurses.
Joey: Not in my head.

Rachel: No 'accountants'. And no one from 'Legal'... I don't like guys with boring jobs...
Chandler: And Ross was what? A LION TAMER?

Rachel: No way! The most romantic song ever was The Way We Were.
Phoebe: Uh, see, I... I think the one that Elton John wrote for, um, that guy on "Who's the Boss?"

Rachel: What song was that, Pheebs?

Phoebe: Um, Hold Me Close, Young Tony Danza.

Rachel: No! Phoebe, just because I'm alone doesn't mean I wanna walk around naked. I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Phoebe: Uh-huh! Why do you think it takes me so long to answer the door?

Rachel: No, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again. I mean, he's gonna be screwed up for a long time. And besides, you know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
Monica: Right, you only go for them five minutes before they get married.

Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
Ross: Same difference.

Rachel: No. I can't. You're a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody that would never, ever hurt me. Ever. God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her. I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do, Ross. It's just changed everything. Forever.
Ross: Yeah, but this...this can't be it.
Rachel: Then how come it is?

Rachel: OK, fine! I'll just tell Phoebe it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh, look at this! Little drawers! Oh look, look, it says that it holds... three hundred CDs!
Chandler: Ahhh, just like the apothecary tables of yore.

Rachel: Okay everyone, this is my last cup of coffee.
[Hangs over a couple of spots on the couch, gives it to Chandler, goes off]
Chandler: [As soon as he's sure she's out of earshot] Think I ought to tell her I ordered tea?