Rachel: Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.
Ross: And in about five seconds, you're gonna see why.
Rachel: [on video] Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?
[The other four are shocked, especially Joey]
Rachel: Okay, get ready to see some begging.
Phoebe: Oh, you came on to Ross.
Rachel: What?
Ross: Now I'm so happy.
Rachel: What are you talking about?
Monica: You used the Europe story.
Chandler: That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex!
Rachel: How do you know about that story?!
Joey: How do you know about that story?!
Rachel: I heard it from my friend Irene, who heard it from some guy.
Joey: [raising hand] Some guy!
Rachel: No, no. She told that his name was Ken Adams.
Joey: [again] Ken Adams!

Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now on you make all of my decisions for me.
Phoebe: Oh, no. I did that for someone once. I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.
Monica: I'll do it!

Rachel: Phoebe?
Phoebe: Hmm?
Rachel: Who is George Snuffleupagus?
Phoebe: He's Big Bird's friend. [laughs]

Rachel: Ross, don't forget to take a shot of Emma's cake. It's in a box in the fridge.
Ross: Sure.
Rachel: [to Monica] You're going to love this cake! I got from from a bakery in New Jersey, Carino's!
Monica: That place has the creamiest frosting! I used to hitchhike there when I was a kid!
Rachel: Well, they make make these great novelty cakes in different shapes; and if you give them a photo, they'll copy it in icing!
Monica: Did you do a picture of Emma?
Rachel: On a cake shaped like a bunny!
Ross: Does this bakery by any chance bake erotic cakes, for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: What are you talking? -OH, MY...! They put my baby's face on a penis!
[Everyone rushes to see the cake.]
Phoebe: Now it's a party!
Rachel: This is not funny! If I wanted this cake to be a disaster, I would have baked it myself!
Joey: Is it okay that I still think it looks delicious?
Judy: Jack, look at this!
Jack: I know what you're thinking! The resemblance is uncanny!
[Everyone turns to look at Ross]
Ross: [angry] I am THIS close to tugging on my testicles again!!
Rachel: [on the phone] No, this is NOT what I ordered! I drove to New Jersey to get my daughter a cake for her birthday and I need a bunny cake right now!
Ross: Ask them if it would be faster to cut the baby's face off the penis and put it on the bunny. [to himself] That is a weird sentence.
Rachel: [on the phone with the bakery] Oh, believe you me, I am going to bring this cake back. I don't even want it in my home... JOEY, DON'T TOUCH IT!
Joey: I'm so confused!
Rachel: I still want my daughter's face on a cake, but a bunny cake! Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts!
Chandler: To be fair, this one does have nuts.

Rachel: Ross, you don't seem okay.
Ross: [starts crying] I'm sorry, it must be the pressure of entertaining! I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.

Rachel: Ross? Hi, it's me. I just got back on the plane and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I... wasn't expecting to see you and then all of the sudden, you're there and saying these things and... now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you... I love you... I love you... what am I doing? I love you. Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.
Ross: Oh, my god!
Rachel: [to flight attendant] Okay, e-excuse me--
Flight attendant: Ma'am, please sit down!
Rachel: No, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I needed to tell someone that I love them.
Flight attendant: Ma'am, I can't let you off the plane.
Ross: [listening to the conversation] Let her off the plane!!
Flight attendant: I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.
Rachel: Oh, please miss, you don't understand!
Ross: Try to understand!!
Rachel: Oh, come on, miss, isn't there any way that you could just let me off the-- [the message cuts before Rachel finishes her sentence]
Ross: No, no!! Oh, my god, did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?
Rachel: [coming into room] I got off the plane.
Ross: You got off the plane.
[they passionately make out]
Rachel: I do love you.
Ross: I love you, too, and I am never letting you go again.
Rachel: Okay, because this is where I want to be. Okay, no more of this, I don't wanna mess this up again.
Ross: Me either, okay, we are done being stupid.
Rachel: It's you and me, all right, this is it? You and me, this is it.
Ross : This is it. Unless we're on a break.
[awkward pause]
Ross: [to himself] Don't make jokes now...

Rachel: Seriously, Ross, breathe louder, that's great.
Ross: Y'know, We should probably ask the doctor if she even knows how to deliver a baby that's half-human, half-pure evil!

Rachel: So I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.
Phoebe: Yeah, you wish.

Rachel: Stupid metric system!

Rachel: That's a great story, grandpa!

Rachel: To Monica and Chandler! And that knocked-up girl in Ohio!

Rachel: What happened at dinner?
Monica: My parents spent the money for our wedding.
Phoebe: My...what did you order?

Rachel: What happened to your jam plan?
Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now... Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
Ross: What are you talking about?
Monica: I'm talking about me having a baby.
Ross: What?
Monica: Yeah. The great thing about the jam plan was, I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself, what is the most important thing to me in the world and that's when I came up with the baby plan.
Ross: Well, aren't you forgettin' something? What, what, what is, uh, what is that guy's name? Dad!

Rachel: When I saw them at the airport, I thought I hit rock bottom, but today its like, rock bottom, 50 feet of crap and then me.

Rachel: Will you guys stop? Giving birth is one of the most..[Sees the video and screams]... Oh my... why is that child torturing that lady???