Friends quotes

613 total quotes



All Seasons
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Rachel: But do you think that maybe, on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey: No, I don't have another level.

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?
Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.
Phoebe: Ha, ha, ha!
Monica: What?
Phoebe: "Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black."

Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die--
Phoebe: --Dive. Yeah, they dove headfirst into fun on the farm.
[the doctor just revealed that the second baby is arriving]

Rachel: Drive Phoebe to hospital if she goes into labor.
Monica: You don't have a car.. And your license expired .
Rachel:[Cries] There's so much to do and I have so less time .

Rachel: Hey, look, look. Phoebe's talking to "Cute Coffeehouse Guy."
Ross: You guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy? We call him "Hums While He Pees."
Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."
Phoebe: [walks in] Hey, you guys -- "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out!

Rachel: Hey, what do you think is a better excuse for why I'm not drinking on this date tonight: I'm a recovering alcoholic, I'm a Mormon, Or I got so hammered last night I'm still a little drunk?

Rachel: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

Joey: [Looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!

Phoebe: No, Barry and Mindy.

Joey: Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.

Rachel: Honey ! What did you do that bad that make dad cut you off ?
Jill: Okay.. I bought a boat.
Phoebe: You bought a boat ?
Jill: Yeah. It wasn't for me. It was for a friend.
Chandler: Boy ! Did we make friends with wrong sister ?

Rachel: How about James?
Ross: Oh, I like James.
Rachel: ...for a girl.
Ross: Veto!
Phoebe: Is it me...? Or its just that Veto is starting to sound really good...

Rachel: How about: for a girl, Rain?
Ross: Rain? "Hi, my name is Rain. I have my own kiln and my dress is made out of wheat."
Phoebe: I know her!

Rachel: How may centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?
Dr. Long: Three.
Ross: Just three? I'm dilated three!

Rachel: I brought reinforcements.
Ross: You brought Joey?
Rachel: Um... no, but I brought the next best thing.
[Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: Hey.
Ross: Chandler? You brought Chandler? The next best thing would have been Monica!
Chandler: Normally I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong.

Rachel: I got TiVo!
Dr. Green: What's TiVo?
Phoebe: It's slang for pregnant.

Rachel: I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.
Phoebe: That's easy! You just have to think of him as a -- as a jar of pickles that won't open.
Rachel: So, what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
Phoebe: No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Rachel: I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Monica: Oh, maybe he was getting him confused with his childhood therapist.
Chandler: He saw a therapist?
Monica: He used to have this recurring nightmare. It really freaked him out.
Rachel: Wow, what was it?
Monica: That I was going to eat him.