Phoebe: Seriously, Rachel's not gonna think it's a good idea.
Jill: So who made her Queen of the World ?
Phoebe: I would love that Job .

Phoebe: She didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not going to waste a whole another hour there! I mean, I've only got a week left, you know? I've really got to start living now! [Picks up a car magazine and reads it]

Phoebe: So, how was the honeymoon?
Monica: Oh, so much fun. But the best part is we met this incredible couple on the flight back.
Phoebe: That was the best part? [To Chandler] Good honeymooning, Tiger.

Phoebe: That is brand new information!!

Phoebe: There it is. Look at that.. Isn't mother of nature amazing?
Chandler: That's a plane..
Phoebe: Well.. Allright.. 1700 bags of peanuts flying that high.. That's pretty amazing too.

Phoebe: There's five hundred extra dollars in my account.
Chandler: Oh! Satan's minions at work again.
Phoebe: Yes, coz I have to go down there and deal with them.
Joey: What are you talking about? Keep it!
Phoebe: It's not mine! I didn't earn it. If I kept it, it would be like stealing!
Rachel: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!

Phoebe: This is like 60 Minutes, when at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then, you know, you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.

Phoebe: We didn't do any of the romantic things I'd planned, like having a picnic at Central Park and, you know, coffee at Central Perk... Oh! I just got that!

Phoebe: Well, if you're gonna get to know him then you'd better do it now.
Joey: Why?
Phoebe: Because I'm gonna kill him.
Joey: What? Why?
Phoebe: You guys were right, Parker's too excited about everything. I mean I'm all for living, but come on, this is the Geller's 35th wedding anniversary, let's call a spade a spade, this party stinks!
Joey: I know, I'm having the worst time. There was a 15-minute line for the buffet, then when I finally got up to the plates, I slipped on a giant booger!
Phoebe: Really? Are you sure it wasn't an oyster?
Joey: I dunno, I guess it could've been. I didn't really look at it. I just wiped it on Chandler's coat and got the hell outta there.

Phoebe: Well, the interview...
Chandler: What about it?
Phoebe: Y'know! You don't make a very good first impression.
Chandler: [shocked] What?!
Phoebe: Oh you don't know.
Chandler: Are you serious?!
Phoebe: Yes, when I first met you, you were like, "Blah, blah, blah." I was like, shhh!
Chandler: What is it that I do?
Phoebe: Well it's just like you're trying too hard. Always making jokes, y'know, you just--You come off a little needy.
Chandler: [To Rachel] Did you like me when we first met?
Rachel: Chandler, I'm not gonna lie to ya, but I am gonna run away from you. [Gets up and hurries out]

Phoebe: Well, you all know that I am a pacifist, which means I am not interested in war - in any way. But when the revolution comes I will have to destroy you all; not you, Joey.

Phoebe: Will you please be Mike Hannigan again?
Mike: Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
Phoebe: How about 'Buffay-Hannigan'?
Mike: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah. Phoebe Buffay-Hannigan-Bananahammock!
Mike: Do you know what a bananahammock is?
Phoebe: It's a funny word!
Mike: It's a speedo!
Phoebe: [pauses] Oh crap!

Phoebe: Yeah, but, Monica -- do you really want to be in a relationship where you can actually use the phrase "That's not how your dad used to do it"?
Monica: [indicating each of the group in succession] Fine! Judge all you want to, but: [to Ross] married a lesbian; [to Rachel] left a man at the altar; [to Phoebe] fell in love with a gay ice dancer; [to Joey] threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire; [to Chandler] living in a box!

Phoebe: You can touch yourself in front of us, but you can't talk to Rachel.
Ross: What? When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys?
Phoebe: Oh, please. Just before, when you were asleep in the lounge. That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV.

Phoebe: You guys, do you know anything about chicks?
Chandler: Fowl? No. Women?... No.