Phoebe: [Searching her address book for someone to date Joey] Ooh, here's a good one: Sandy Poopach.
Joey: [Stifles a laugh]
Phoebe: I guess that rules out Lana Titweiller.
Joey: [Bursts out laughing] AH-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Phoebe: [singing]

Phoebe: [Singing]

Phoebe: [Singing]

Phoebe: [singing] Ipan stripan glupi glapi! And that's the Swedish National Anthem, thank you for asking!
Rachel: Wow, what a rich culture! You know, I have a friend who's a masseuse!
Phoebe: Oh, ya!
Rachel: She's not very good, though!
Phoebe: And why do you think that is?
Rachel: I don't know! Maybe because she's got callousy fingers from playing a crummy guitar!
Phoebe: Or maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high-maintenance tight-ass!
Rachel: [turns up] PHOEBE!!
Phoebe: You know it's me?
Rachel: For a half-hour! Man, you can lie about Sweden!
Phoebe: How can you come here?
Rachel: How can you not tell me you work here?
Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything!
Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage!
Phoebe: Tips not included.
Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: I was ashamed! I sold out for the cash! They give me benefits like medical and dental and a 401! But you pay a price! Now I'm this corporate stooge, punching a clock, and paying taxes!
Rachel: If you hate it, you should walk out there and quit! Be true to what you believe in! You have principles and I so admire that! I don't have any!
Phoebe: You're right, I am going to quit! It's time I took my life back!
Rachel: Good for you, Pheebs!
[Phoebe leaves the room, then looks up at the ceiling and whispers]
Phoebe: If you guys had microphones in there, I didn't mean that! I love you!

Phoebe: [singing]: It only takes two heart attacks to finally make you see,
One of them won 't do it but the second will set you free. Tell all your hate and anger, It's time to say goodbye. And that is just what I will do, soon as those bastards I worked for die!

Phoebe: [Talking about her fireman boyfriend] He even showed me charcoal drawings he drew of me. Well, he'd prefer watercolors -- but, you know, he has easy access to a lot of charcoal.

Phoebe: [to beeping fire alarm] WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Phoebe: [to Ross] You bought your sheets at a flea market? Come on, Ross, you gotta loosen the pursestrings a little!

Phoebe: And... moment's over! [Rachel, Joey and Chandler all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but she just shrugs it off] So, ok, uh, I can forget that. I can forget that and uhm... [She's flipping cards, skipping half of them] Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I [Monica is miming CUT] Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... [Yells at Monica]MONICA I CAN'T DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT THIS [she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands] OR THIS [She taps her watch] OR THIS [she mimes CUT] OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! [Pause] You know what? You're done.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! [Pause and she raises her glass] Cheers!

Phoebe: Before I start, I just wanna say that I have a cold, so if I sneeze in the middle of a song, it's not on purpose. Oh, except the last verse of "Pepper people."

Phoebe: Hey you know what I just realised?, Joker is Poker with a J! -- Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's Joincidence with a C!

Phoebe: I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.
Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures!
Monica: It didn't work on Mom. It's not going to work on us.
[Joey walks in]
Ross: Hey, Joey, look -- Playboy printed my joke!
Joey: [Joey reads it and makes a slight chuckle] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jokes? But... You guys know they have naked chicks in there, right?

Phoebe: I just found a selfless good deed; I went to the park and let a bee sting me.
Joey: How is that a good deed?
Phoebe: Because now the bee gets to look tough in front of his bee friends. The bee is happy and I am not.
Joey: Now you know the bee probably died when he stung you?
Phoebe: Dammit!

Phoebe: I may play the fool at times, but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.