Joey: Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?
Passer-by: Maybe because you've got the keys?

Joey: Yeah, this was a stupid idea. [Exits]

Joey: Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies. And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?
Rachel: Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.
Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!

Joey: You guys are not gonna believe this. I just talked to my agent and ..
Phoebe: Oh my... [Joey looks surprisingly] I'm sorry. Too soon. You Go..

Joey: You're gonna cook something?
Rachel: Hey, I cook!
Chandler: Offering people gum is not cooking.

Joey: [as repossesors are taking away his expensive stuff] Careful with that 3-D "Last Supper". Judas is a little loose.

Joey: [To Rachel] Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.
Ross: Oh really? Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?
[Flashback to Joey's thirtieth birthday]
Joey: Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Joey: [Yells] JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!

Joey:I have answering machine..
Chandler: Which I bought for you.. Taught how to use it.. You thought it was a copier...

Joey:Oh...baby-proofing... Why is this such a big deal now? Y'know, when I was a kid it was like.. "Whoops! Joey fell down the stairs!" or er.. "Whoops! Joey electrocuted himself again!"

Joey:Relax. You're only at nine centimeters. And the baby's at zero station..
Chandler: [To Joey] Now you are scaring me.

Judge: Okay, you two are asking the court for an annulment?
Rachel: Yes, your honor, and here are... are forms, all filled out.
Judge: So based on your petition you are seeking an annulment on the grounds that Mr. Geller is mentally unstable.
Ross: Fine, I'm mentally unstable.
Judge: And based on the fact that Mr. Geller is intravenous drug user.
Ross: What?!
Rachel: Uh, yes, heroin and crack.
Ross: Crack isn't even an intravenous drug!
Rachel: Well, you would know.
Judge: Now it also says here that you lied about your sexual preference before marriage?
Ross: Oh, come on!
Rachel: Ross, please, I found the magazines!
Judge: And finally that you were unable to consummate the marriage. Well, that makes sense since you're gay and addicted to heroin...

Judy: We might have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.
Jack: It seemed like such a simple idea.
Judy: Stupid, Jack; the word is stupid.

Kathy: I'll tell you what, Chandler. Why don't you call me when you grow up!
Chandler: Yeah, well, don't expect that to happen any time soon!

Mike: Hey, when did we become one of those couple who let our rat babies control our lives?