Christian: I can vacuum you down to a skeleton, Dawn, but I can't suck out the white trash, now, can I? You want pro-class, you're gonna need a new face and wardrobe to go with your new body.
Dawn Budge: Are you gay, Dr. Troy?
Christian: No, but for a price, I will play Queer Eye for you.

Christian: I can't keep giving you just a part of me, and not all of me.

Christian: I didn't realize you are a bitter lipstick lesbian. I'm sorry for taking up your time.
Girl at bar: Actually, Christian, I love dick. Just not 40-year-old dick.
Christian: That's perfect, 'cause mine is 35. Why don't we go somewhere dark and private and you can count the rings around my trunk.

Christian: I don't excel at anything. My relationships, my profession... All I have to offer is a great smile and a convincing line of bullshit.

Christian: I don't have that kind of liquidity right now.
James: Then I suggest you melt some of your money.

Christian: I don't like her, Sean. She is a troublemaker and her shoes are cheap.
Sean: Shut up, Christian, just shut up. I need to think.

Christian: I don't want you in the porn business any more. Period. And I want you to stop selling those dolls. Do you realize how many men are boning you right now? I went online. Hundreds of those things have been sold.
Kimber: Twelve hundred and thirty eight. Each sale's eight thousand dollars in my pocket, by the way.
Christian: Well, now we're getting married, you don't need the money.
Kimber: It's not about the money, Christian. This is about my career.
Christian: How would you feel if I took a mould of my cock, passed it round South Beach and called it a career?

Christian: I grew up in foster homes with nothing. Now I have a life. I have a fiancee, friends, a business. You can get through anything if you want to.
Gail: Not if you have a living reminder of your pain coming over for dinner every Friday night. I have worked hard to build walls around my family so that none of that ugliness that your father did to me would ever get in and stain us.
Christian: Is that what I am to you? A stain?
Gail: No. You're my son. But I can't be your mother.

Christian: I have surgery this afternoon, Sean. If I don't get my caffeine, I will fire Linda as soon as she even thinks about rolling her eyes at me.
Sean: Linda is irreplaceable. There is no McNamara/Troy without her. And there shouldn't be a Troy/Landau without her either.
Christian: You're the one I can't replace, Sean.

Christian: I haven't struck out like this since there was a rumor that I had genital warts.

Christian: I laughed, I cried, I came.

Christian: I love all this Californian New Age crap. It is hilarious to make you think that you can stick a needle in your head, and that your whole body is going to go numb; you know it's just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Christian: I used to fantasize when I was beaten and molested by my foster father that everything would be okay because my mother was an angel watching over me. She'd want to see me make something out of this life. (edit)

Christian: I want her dazzling enough that it would give my dick amnesia.

Christian: I won't tell him your secret if you don't tell him mine.
Michelle: What's your secret?
Christian: That I made love to his wife before dinner.