Christian: Beauty is symmetry, and you don't have any. First, I'll need to get rid of all this nasty cottage cheese. And here, with some laser hair removal to keep this forest under control. These mud flaps will need to be lopped off. Have you ever picked up anything heavier than a carton of Haagan-Daaz?

Christian: Can I buy you a drink?
Girl at bar: [commands Christian] Smile. Thanks, but no thanks.
Christian: Is there spinach, sweetheart?

Christian: Can I buy you a drink?
Kimber: I don't drink.
Christian: Can I buy you an appetizer?
Kimber: I don't eat. I'm a model.
[Christian gives up and is ready to leave]
Bartender: Another one before you hit the road?
Christian: No, I have to operate tomorrow.
Kimber: Are you a doctor?
Christian: [flashes smile] Plastic surgeon.

Christian: Can I buy you another drink?
Grace: Now that, Dr. Troy, would be pointless, seeing as you're the reason I'm drinking.

Christian: Can you believe the shit that passes for music these days?
Girl at bar: Maybe you should hang out here on Thursdays. It's oldies night.

Christian: College BJ's are cute and nice. But aim a little higher.

Christian: De La Merde (a play on words for De La Mer) is a glorified massage parlour. And once everyone finds out its proprietors are a dyke, a whore and a housewife, those three 'businesswomen' will be stuck giving rub and tugs just to keep their client list up.

Christian: Dr. Santiago, have you ever been sued for malpractice?
Grace: As a matter of fact, I haven't.
Christian: Of course not. That would be silly. That's like suing a witch doctor for a spell that didn't work.

Christian: Dr. Santiago, maybe you should consider having your own orgasm every now and then so you don't have to live through mine.

Christian: Ever notice how "monogamy" rhymes with "monotony"?

Christian: Face it, Sean, we're not college kids anymore. Your hairline is up and your ass is down.
Sean: I'll be sure to put that on your 40th birthday card in a couple of weeks.

Christian: Fine, but it won't be a mole removal. You want out? It's gonna get invasive. I get the furniture which I picked out for the waiting room, the anesthesia machine. And Liz.

Christian: Fourteen hours in this place without a cup of coffee even Ghandi would become a narcoleptic.

Christian: Free surgeries are like sex without an orgasm.
Sean: Unless, of course, the patient's name is Blu Mondae, in which case the free surgery follows an orgasm.

Christian: How do you get that lineation in your abs there? I've been doing a thousand crunches a week and I can't seem to get mine to pop like that.
Dr. Mike Hamoui: I have protein shakes for breakfast and lunch and a light dinner, and no refined sugars. And I'm in here every day.
Christian: How do you find the time?
Dr. Mike Hamoui: Well, the hour you spend watching Sports Center, I'm in here. During your forty-five minute lunch at Joe Stone Crab, I'm jogging down the Strand. Gotta make the sacrifices.
Christian: Sacrifices? You're a goddamn physical terrorist.