McGee: (on the phone with his mechanic) ...So, how much?
Tony: One octave or two?
Ziva: Two.
McGee: [high-pitched] $600?!

McGee: [on the phone with his mechanic] You told me my car would be ready by the end of today...
Tony: One octave or two?
McGee: Listen up, because this is what you're gonna do. You're gonna take the first estimate and you're gonna reduce it by 10 percent. Then you're going to find my part, install my part and have my car parked upfront and ready for me when I walk out of this building in 32 minutes.
Tony: Wow. Who'd guess McGee would grow a pair in a women's prison?
McGee: I put away killers for a living, that's what I do. Now you do exactly as I told you and we won't have any problems, understood? Good, clock's ticking.
Abby: Wow, McGee, your time in the big house really changed you. I like it!

McGee: Abby, no one was hurt. Tony and Ziva are fine.
Abby: They're not fine! Not as long as someone is leaking information! I mean, how else would Siravo have known about our meeting with Flores and that we had Perry? [McGee shrugs] See?? No one is safe until I find this leak.
McGee: Any luck?
Abby: No! There were no unusual outgoing calls from the NCIS switchboard. I ran all the phone numbers for everyone with knowledge of the crime: Gibbs, Tony, Ziva, you, me, home, cell and office.
McGee: You ran your own home phone records?
Abby: Yeah. Gibbs orders.

McGee: So Tony is in charge again.
Ziva: Yes.
McGee: How do you feel about it?
Ziva: Tony is a competent, capable investigator and a good leader. You do not agree?
McGee: Yeah, I agree, it's just that he's kind of irritating when he's not the boss. When he is, he walks around with that peacock strut and that smirk. It's like -- he's behind me, isn't he?
Tony: Smirking.

McGee: Who would want to impersonate Tony?
Ziva: Perhaps Jack Nicholson? You know, impersonation revenge?

Palmer: You're very calm.
Abby: I am. If I keep going to Crazytown every time one of you gets hurt, I'm going to have to have my mail forwarded.

Perry: Any word on my immunity?
Tony: Well, I hear zinc lozenges help, but you might want to try some vitamin C or echinacea. Oh, you mean your immunity? No.

Saleem Ulman: [to a hostage Ziva] Tell me everything you know about NCIS.
Season 7

Sheriff Boyd: You know, you might want to let go of that horn, junior. Riding a horse is like making love, you got to relax and enjoy it.
Tony: Sheriff, I have a strong feeling that you and I enjoy both of those activities in really different ways. No disrespect.

Tara: Teek? Is that you?
Vance: You have a decision to make Tara. Do we walk out of here, or do I carry you?

Tara: Thank you, Anthony, you're very sweet- my patron saint.
Tony: Actually, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of hook... [stops himself from saying hookers] Saint Anthony is who you turn to when you've lost something.
Tara: So, who does Anthony turn to when he's lost something?
Tony: How do you know I've lost something?
Tara: [laughing] I may not know my saints, but I definitely know my sinners.

Tony: Nesiah tova. [Hebrew, "have a safe trip"]
Ziva: See you next week.

Tony: [after riding a horse all day] Ohhh, can you get nerve damage in your buttocks?
Gibbs: You're gonna feel worse in the morning.

Tony: [as Norman Bates] My mother isn't quite herself today... [to Ziva, explaining] Psycho.
Ziva: You certainly have your moments!
Tony: A movie, Ziva.
[...]
Tony: [as Norman Bates] Blood, blood!
Ziva: [to Gibbs] Psycho.
Gibbs: He has his moments.

Tony: [Referring to the serial killer] Someone wasn't hugged enough as a child.