NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



Gibbs: How was the pawn shop?
Ziva: I hit a stone wall.
Tony: It's a brick wall.
Ziva: No, it was a stone wall. I backed up too quickly.

Gibbs: Thanks, Abs. You can go back to your mold now.
Abby: Aw, Gibbs. You say the sweetest things.

Gibbs: The last thing she said was "You killed my brother". Any idea why she would've said that?
Ducky: Probably because I killed her brother.

Gibbs: You enjoying yourself, Abs?
Abby: Yes!!! [looking at Gibbs] But you're not. Sorry.

Gibbs: He got scared. He found out his partner was going to meet with the agent from the original case. It wasn't DiNozzo but the killer didn't know that. If I'm him I'm wondering why my buddy is meeting with a federal agent. Hmmm. Maybe he's going to flip on me. He can't if he's dead. There's our motive we just need our killer.
Tony: May of just found him. Abby just matched a print from Renny's hotel room to one of his former coworkers. A Commander Carl Davis. Gear Up. (Ziva and McGee stare at Gibbs blankly)
Gibbs: What?
McGee: We've just never heard you say that much at one time.
Ziva: Or in a week.
Gibbs: Wasn't my job before. Come on.

Kort: Secret lovers could no longer live in a lie.

Man on Ship: You the Navy Cops?
Tony: Yeah, my seahorse is double-parked outside. You ought to see the lights.

McGee: [getting navigation set up for Tony and Ziva to go after a lead] There is a built in compass so you don't get lost.
Tony: Don't worry, McScout. We've got our Mossad hunting dog. Bark once for yes.
Ziva: [growls]

McGee: [seeing a large package on his desk] Oh, goody, they're here!
Tony: Goody? Who says goody?!
Ziva: What is it?
McGee: [opens box, pulling out an old computer] This is my Mac SE. Got it for my eleventh birthday. [lovingly] She's my first!
Tony: This is going to get really strange, isn't it?
Ziva: Going to?

McGee: Hey. You looking for me, Tony?
Abby: No, I am. Do you think I'm an idiot?
McGee: No.
Abby: What, you thought I wouldn't figure it out?
McGee: What is she talking about?
Ziva: The cupcake.
Abby: You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat finger print.
McGee: Oh, come on, you think I'm that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.
Abby: You didn't. You used latex gloves. Brand new box, McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.
McGee: You said you were going gluten-free.
Abby: Where is it, McGee?
McGee: I was saving you from yourself, Abby.
Abby: Where did you save it, McGee?
McGee: Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.
Tony: [hugs McGee] What were you thinking, McGee? She's a world-class forensic scientist. [dope-slaps him]
Ziva: I bought the cupcake for Abby. [dope-slaps him]
Abby: So, how was it?
McGee: It was life-changing.

McGee: I can find an H-waffle double zigzag waffle, I can find a double zigzag H-waffle double zigzag, but not a zigzag double H-waffle zigzag.
Tony: I see a fish riding a unicorn.

McGee: My CPU is too small.
Tony: I'm gonna let that slide.

McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: I got it.
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: That's why I'm going fast forward now.
McGee: Hey, just... let me do is. Let me do it! Please? Okay? You handle this like you handle your car!
Ziva: And if you want to handle anything ever again remove your hand from my mouse!

McGee: We're trying to make a connection between Jennings and his killer.
Ziva: Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.
Tony: No pun intended?
Ziva: Actually, it was.
Tony: Well, in that case, nicely done.

McGee: Wonder what they are doing up there.
Tony: Does the Navy still hang people?
Abby: Tony!
McGee: Well, it is treason, Abby.
Abby: McGeeeehee!
Tony: What else can they do? There's no way she walks out of here.
Ziva: No way.
Lee: Good night everyone! [Walks out]