Gibbs: I got this little girl who wants to go home to her dad, and that's not gonna happen without your help. So... please?
Tony: Did Gibbs just say...?
McGee: (stunned) Mm-hmm.

Gibbs: McGee, you find any more maggots crawling around you bag them for evidence.
McGee: Ziva, I would give you a hundred dollars to trade with me.
Ziva: You're afraid of bugs, McGee?
McGee: Bugs, no. Wriggling faceless blob creatures crawling inside human flesh, yes.
Ziva: Believe it or not I used to feel the same way.
McGee: How'd you get over it?
Ziva: I've found that if you are hungry enough they actually don't taste that bad.

Gibbs: Tell me you found a match on our suspect's prints, Abs.
Abby: Negative. Still processing. But what we do have is $73.65. That's what the victim was carrying. And there's no pennies. He probably threw them out. A lot of people do. I mean I don't but other people do. Do you know how many pennies are thrown out or put into jars every year?
Gibbs: Enlighten me.
Abby: 3.5 Billion. Billion, Gibbs! That's like 35 million dollars. That's a lot of pennies in any language.
Gibbs: Including Russian?
Abby: No, Russians don't have pennies, they have kopeks.

Gibbs: What's he hiding?
McGee: For the most part, not a whole lot. It's about the most boring diary I've ever read. An obsession with Kelly Clarkson... wondering why he can't find a girlfriend...
Abby: He didn't make the connection between those two things?

Gibbs: What've you got, Abs?
Abby: Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.

Jeanne: I know something else we could do to stay warm.
Tony: Really? I wonder what that could be? Coffee?
Jeanne: Dancing!

Jenny: [calling from Paris] Is the agency intact?
Gibbs: I cut it up into small bitsy pieces and sold it to the three-letter boys.

Jenny: Is the agency still intact after a week with Gibbs in charge?
Cynthia: Mmm... we survived.
Jenny: [chuckles] Did Gibbs?
Cynthia: Barely.

Jenny: You were supposed to keep Mister Harrow under surveillance, not chase him into a coronary!
McGee: Director, once he made us, we had to take him into custody, didn't we?
Ziva: No, the Director's right. We could of let Haro escape. If he sold ARES, we could of caught "Black Rose" or "La Grenouille" selling it to Iran!
Jenny: Don't be cute, Officer David! I'm saying there had to be a better way! Right Tony? [Jenny glares at Tony for some support]
Tony: Uh, that's right Director. They could've -
Gibbs: - Shot him.
Tony: That's right, they could have shot him.
Gibbs: Of course, in high octane situation, Ziva reverts to her Mossad training and probably would've put a round through his heart.
Ziva: Three rounds...
Gibbs: And McGee, not to be outdone, would've -
McGee: - Added three more rounds.
Jenny: Gibbs...
Gibbs: See, there you go. Six rounds, same result. One dead Mister Harrow.
[Ducky walks over to the group]

Jenny: You're turning down a promotion because of Gibbs' mustache?
Tony: He called Ziva 'Kate' yesterday

Jody: ...and I can only think of one explanation. It was the hand of God!
Ziva: [to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
Tony: I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.

Jody: I come from a good Catholic family! When we swear to God, we mean it!

Marty: You don't have an unhealthy obsession with death now, do you?
Abby: Oh no! It's just a hobby!

McGee: Abby, they hate me.
Abby: They don't hate you, McGee.
McGee: Ziva tried to kill me yesterday.
Abby: Well, you did base all of the characters in your book on us, and you didn't ask our permission.
McGee: Deep Six is a work of pure fiction!
Abby: You described everything in my bedroom.
McGee: Not everything. Do you still have those...?
[Abby's computer beeps.]
Abby: Ah-ah. Fantasize later, Hemingway.

McGee: Found something.
Tony: Is it dangerous?
McGee: Do you want kids...? Kidding.