McGee: I found it, Abby. I found how they got in.
Abby: How'd you know I was here?
McGee: Oh, uh, I, uh... didn't. Look, Abby, I'm really sor--
Abby: I know. [pauses, then comes up behind McGee and hugs him]
McGee: I though you were supposed to ask first.
Abby: Never with you, Tim.
[McGee puts his hand over hers.]

McGee: I was right, wasn't I? There is something wrong with Abby.
Tony: Let it go, Probie.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I'm pretty sure it was something you did.

McGee: She definitely seemed Un-Abby.
Ziva: Who?
Tony: Abby.
Ziva: Abby's unhappy?
Tony: No. Abby's Un-Abby. I need you to focus here, okay? Pitch in. I'll talk to her when I can.
McGee: Why you?
Tony: Because dealing with an angry woman requires a great deal of sensitivity. Clearly not an area of expertise for you.
McGee: Well, I don't doubt that you have more experience with angry women.
Tony: See? That wasn't very sensitive, was it?
Ziva: The man has one serious relationship and all of the sudden, he's an expert.
Tony: All right, there is one clear-cut, undeniable reason why I should be the one to talk to Abby: She owes me a dollar.

McGee: The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Tony: Beer pong.
McGee: Huh?
Tony: This is tragic, don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie.
[McGee stares at Tony]
Tony: What did you do at MIT?
McGee: Study.
Tony: Figures.

McGee: Have you ever seen anyone walk that quickly in heels?
Tony: Only at the end of a really hairy date.

McGee: I can't imagine what I'd do if I lost my eyesight.
Ziva: You'd adapt.
McGee: What if I didn't?
Ziva: You'd fall into a deep depression and eventually you would die.
McGee: Remind me not to come to you for a pep-talk anytime soon.

McGee: Look, I know what I saw. Someone policed the brass and tried to wipe up the blood.
Tony: Who, Probie-- the crime scene fairies? There's no one here!

McGee: Ziva thinks that all men are liars.
Tony: Really? Ha, so if I were to lie to you, you would be able to tell?
Ziva: Particularly you.
Tony: [grins] You think?
McGee: Wouldn't go there, Tony.
Tony: Oh, watch and weep. True or false: I had eggs for breakfast this morning.
Ziva: True.
Tony: Lucky guess. Last night, I had a date with a very beautiful woman.
Ziva: False.
Tony: She's good. My first car was a shiny new red Corvette.
Ziva: False. Strike three. I win.
Tony: [looks bothered] How did -- how did you do that?
Ziva: When you said you had a red Corvette, you looked down and to your left. A tell-tale sign when people lie.
Tony: And the date?
Ziva: Tony, if you had gone out with a beautiful woman last night, you would have talked about it all day.
Tony: I would?
McGee: Oh yeah.
Tony: Okay, but how could you possibly know that I had eggs for breakfast this morning?
Gibbs: Gear up! Got a message from a dead guy.
Tony: Ready to roll, boss!
Gibbs: [walks past as the team grabs their stuff] DiNozzo?
Tony: Yeah, boss?
Gibbs: You got egg on your shirt.
Ziva: [smiles] Not just your shirt...

Mike: [to Gibbs] We're getting more alike you and me, Probie. Even feeling the same pain. I don't know how you didn't go crazy when you lost your little girl, maybe you did for awhile; maybe you still are. But I just know I've got to do what's right for my boy... I owe him that.

Nelson: Do I need a lawyer?
Gibbs: Only if you're feeling guilty.

Paula Cassidy: I'm not convinced that it wasn't this guy. I mean, how do we know Ducky didn't make a mistake?
Ziva: Tony.
Tony: Because Ducky doesn't make mistakes, Paula.
Ziva: Which means what you saw yesterday was, by definition, mistaken.
Paula Cassidy: Look, even if he did die the day before, it doesn't mean he wasn't involved. Right? Tony?
Tony: She does have a valid point, Ziva.
Paula Cassidy: We don't even know what his cause of death is. For all we know he could've committed suicide!
Ziva: A suicide bomber who commits suicide before his bombing? That doesn't make any sense!
Tony: No! It doesn't! But it does raise an interesting point. Imagine, if you will, ladies. An assisted suicide of a suicide bomber who suicided before his suicide bombing. It's kinda like how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wo--
Gibbs: [Head-slaps Tony] DiNozzo, what the hell is wrong with you?
Tony: I am just trying to lighten the mood of the room a little bit, boss.
Gibbs: I got a better way: Leave. And take her with you.
Ziva: That works for me.
Paula: Works for me, too, David.
Ziva: Da-veed!

Rick: What's going on? Hey! Hey! Stop pointing the gun at my wife!
Ziva: She tried to rat on us.
Tony: She means rabbit.
Ziva: Rabbit, yes!

Roy: Lieutenant Roy Sanders, Sir. I need you to investigate a murder.
Gibbs: Whose?
Roy: [pulls out a clump of his own hair] Mine.

Roy: Sorry, felt a little dizzy.
Ziva: I have to get you into bed. Oh, I ...
Roy: I'm not saying anything.
Ziva: Sorry, it's the English.

Roy: Table's cold.
Ducky: None of my other patients ever complained.
Roy: Sorry, thought it might be nice for you to have someone to talk to for a change.
Ducky: Oh, I always talk to my guests. The difference here is, you talk back.