Ducky: You know what they say about a mother bear and her cubs.
Ziva: They eat them when the food runs out. I saw it in this documentary that Tony forced me to watch; Grizzly Man?
Ducky: Yes, well, I was referring to the mother bear's protective instincts when her cubs are threatened. There is no more dangerous creature in the world.
Ziva: I agree. They also ate the man who shot the footage, and his girlfriend.
Ducky: Well, that's perfectly dreadful.
Ziva: That's what I said to Tony!
Ducky: What does Gibbs think?
Ziva: I don't know. He isn't speaking to me.
Ducky: Well, chin up, my dear. It could be worse.
Ziva: How?
Ducky: He could be a bear.

Ducky: Oh, please. It's not that impressive. It's not as if they were real ninjas.

Gibbs: [holds up the memory chip from a digital camera] Essentially, all we have to do is find something the size of this, inside a Humvee packed with $22 million worth of electronics?
McGee: Pretty much.
Gibbs: [drops the chip in Abby's pocket] We're screwed.
Abby: That is an excellent point.

Gibbs: Ah, there you are, Jen. I've been looking all over for you.
Jen: I thought since we were short on agents, Abby could use some help.
Gibbs: The only reason we are short on agents is because you sent DiNozzo home.
Jen: Well, there's no sense getting us all sick...
Abby: [as Gibbs] Next time you send one of my team home you clear it with me first, Director! [as Jen] Oh, I didn't know I needed your permission to handle my own personnel, Agent Gibbs! [as Gibbs] Your personnel?! [as Jen] Last time I checked, it said "Director" on my door, not yours! [to both of them] The kids don't like it when mommy and daddy fight.

Gibbs: Any tattoos Ducky?
Ducky: Ahh, a direct query, demanding a direct response, which in this case is a direct no.

Gibbs: DiNozzo!
Tony: Boss?
Gibbs: Stop eating the evidence.

Gibbs: DiNozzo, David, wait here.
Tony: You sure about that, Boss...? Of course, because if you weren't, you'd be saying, "DiNozzo, David, follow me." PROBIE, STOP IT!

Gibbs: Do you know what a "clog" is?
Ziva: A shoe or a blocked drain?
Gibbs: No, on the Internet.
Ziva: Oh, I thought it was called a "blog," but then again my English is often wrong.

Gibbs: Marital problems?
Ziva: Well, according to someone called Scuttle Butt, he caught his wife cheating on him.
Gibbs: Scuttlebutt's not a person, Ziva. Scuttlebutt is what Marines call gossip.
Ziva: And you wonder why I have a problem with your language.

Gibbs: Sometimes a little lie is good for the soul.

Gibbs: There's more than one reason to kiss a girl.
Tony: There is?

Gibbs: Today, Ziva!
Ziva: Okay. I may be in a little bit of trouble.
Gibbs: Yeah? Define little.
Ziva: I am currently on the run from the FBI, NCIS, Mossad and my father.
Gibbs: Geez, what'd you do?

Gibbs: What were you doing for 21 hours, Jenny?
Jenny: What we used to do, ever so well.
Gibbs: When you lie, your right eye twitches. It always has.

Gibbs: You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?
Jenny: You sound like a jealous husband.
Gibbs: How would you know?

Gibbs: [about the missing case file on Operation Sunburst] Check the log; who booked it out last?
Tony: The CIA. So I guess that's not a who, it's more of an it.
Gibbs: Who was the NIS case agent?
[Tony pulls up the file, and sees Mike Franks.]
Tony: What time is it in Mexico right now?
Gibbs: Cantina time.