NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



Tony: [Trying to identify a sound] Train tracks?
Abby: Yes, that would be the obvious choice, but there isn't a second thunk or a thack, not even a thock on the track.
Tony: You've been reading a lot of Dr. Seuss books?
Abby: You know I love me some Theodore Geisel.

Tony: [Upon seeing the name of the park's general store] Jackrabbit Slim's?
Ziva: Just like the diner in Pulp Fiction?
Tony: [pauses, giving her an odd look] You don't know how to say 'porcupine', but you know the diner from Pulp Fiction?
Ziva: Believe it or not, we actually have movie theaters in my country.

Tony: Abby! Front and center. You too, Ziva. Let's go! I know what happened.
[Abby and Ziva start talking at the same time.]
Tony: Hey! If there's going to be any bitch slapping on this team, I'll do it. Clear? Good. Now shake hands. Shake.
[Abby and Ziva reluctantly shake hands]
Tony: There we go. That wasn't so tough, was it? Now how about a little hug? Big buddy hug. Come on.
[They hug.]
Tony: Now a deep tongue kiss.
[Both women hit Tony.]
Tony: Now we feel better.

Tony: Every time I bring a date home, my neighbor complains about the noise.
Ziva: What... her shouting "no means no!"? Actually I have the same problem.
Tony: Oh, you have surround sound too?
Ziva: No, I'm what you Americans call a 'screamer', yes?

Tony: Hey, if this thing goes off-
Ziva: This is not your fault, I know.
Tony: No, I was going to say...your life would have more meaning if you'd slept with me.
Ziva: If you'd had anything else on your mind, I might have.
Tony: Really?
Ziva: No.

Tony: Hey, quit feeling sorry for yourself. Do what you do best.
McGee: What, you mean screwing up?
Tony: No, finding answers when no one else can.
Ziva: That was nice of you.
Tony: Never kick a probie when he's down, Ziva.
Ziva: I thought the expression was "dog."
Tony: Same difference.

Tony: How bad does a drug deal have to go for you to leave the drugs behind?

Tony: How long have you known I was --
Ziva: Following me? Since I left the Navy Yard.
Tony: I don't think so.
Ziva: Blue sedan. You laid behind a white station wagon for a while, then a telephone van. You lost me at the traffic circle on --
Tony: Okay, okay. You knew.
Ziva: [handing him a cup of coffee] Take it. It's chilly out here. You shouldn't feel bad. I was trained by the best.
Tony: You know, that's what I like about Mossad.
Ziva: Our training?
Tony: Modesty.

Tony: I'm not getting any reception. How about you?
Ziva: I'm bra-less.
Tony: I noticed that earlier, but on your phone they're bars.
Ziva: Don't you have anything better to do than correct my English?

Tony: Ice? That means...
Ziva: You're now going to make a really juvenile cold case joke.
Tony: It was a really good one too.

Tony: If things get hairy, just follow my lead.
Ziva: I don't need a babysitter, Tony, I have been in hundreds of these situations.
Tony: Never with me. As far as I'm concerned, you're a probie.
Ziva: I've never had sex with you either - does that mean I'm a virgin?

Tony: Just want to let you know that Special Agent Caitlin Todd is out looking for your mom.
Kody: Don't come back until you find her. I... I won't tell you again.
Tony: All right. I'm going.
Marine: How are you going to tell Gibbs the kid's mom is dead?
Tony: [grimly] I already did. Special Agent Todd is dead.

Tony: Like my father always said: "Be careful who you marry, Anthony, she may end up being a homicidal maniac."
McGee: Your father actually said that to you?
Tony: No, but I'm pretty sure he thought it.
Ziva: Probably he knew your taste in women.

Tony: My gut tells me we're missing something.
Ziva: Gibbs?
Tony: Yeah. Gibbs.

Tony: My name's Anthony. My friends call me Tony which, spelled backwards, is "Y-not."