NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4
Season 5
Season 6
Season 7
Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Tony: I knew this girl once. She squeaked. She made this little squeaking...
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.
Kate: Tony! You want to tell Ducky that story?
Gibbs: He's heard it. We all have.
Tony: Suspect claims he went to bed with one woman and woke up with another.
Abby: That happens to girls, too. At night, some guy seems all dark and gnarly, and then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works at a bank.
McGee: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real and you don't disappoint me.
Abby: That happens to girls, too. At night, some guy seems all dark and gnarly, and then you wake up and his tattoos are fake and he works at a bank.
McGee: I used to work at a bank.
Abby: Your tat is real and you don't disappoint me.
Tony: You can't drown in a stream, Jeffery. You can get wet, you can get frickin' freezing, but you can't drown!
Willie: I dunno about you, but I've slept with a lot of women.
Tony: I wouldn't know anything about that Willy, I'm a Mormon.
Tony: I wouldn't know anything about that Willy, I'm a Mormon.
Yost: You conned me, Gunny.
Gibbs: Nah. Would I do that to you?
Yost: You're damn right you would. And I want to thank you for it. [to Yoshida] And you were never on Iwo Jima?
Hiroshi Yoshida: Iwo Jima, no.
Yost: [wagging a finger at Gibbs] Ahhh...
Yoshida: Guadalcanal.
Gibbs: Nah. Would I do that to you?
Yost: You're damn right you would. And I want to thank you for it. [to Yoshida] And you were never on Iwo Jima?
Hiroshi Yoshida: Iwo Jima, no.
Yost: [wagging a finger at Gibbs] Ahhh...
Yoshida: Guadalcanal.
Yost: [to Tony] What do you know? You weren't even a gleam in your old man's eye!
Yost: It's not a water cooler, it's called a scuttlebutt. How long you been in the Corps?
Tony: Since I met Gibbs.
Tony: Since I met Gibbs.
(Bert the hippo farts, followed by a questioning look from Tony)
Abby: He's supposed to make that noise.
Tony: You have a stuffed animal that farts?
Abby: Yeah, it's cool huh...
Tony: Yeah, in a disturbing way.
Season Three
Abby: He's supposed to make that noise.
Tony: You have a stuffed animal that farts?
Abby: Yeah, it's cool huh...
Tony: Yeah, in a disturbing way.
Season Three
(Tony shows the Bartender a picture of the DB.)
Bartender: Such a sweet countenance.
Tony: Sweet countenance?
Bartender: Yeah, that radiant look on her face.
Tony: She doesn't look radiant, she's dead.
Bartender: In that picture?
Tony: Yeah, she's dead.
Bartender: She's dead?
Tony: She's dead. Why do ya think her eyes are closed.
Bartender: I thought she was meditating.
Bartender: Such a sweet countenance.
Tony: Sweet countenance?
Bartender: Yeah, that radiant look on her face.
Tony: She doesn't look radiant, she's dead.
Bartender: In that picture?
Tony: Yeah, she's dead.
Bartender: She's dead?
Tony: She's dead. Why do ya think her eyes are closed.
Bartender: I thought she was meditating.
(Tony watching a singer/dancer at the club, nodding his head up and down with the music)
Gibbs: Tony stop jumping up and down. We can't see.
Gibbs: Tony stop jumping up and down. We can't see.
[After Abby fails to detect where Gibbs is hiding after sneaking into her lab]
Abby: You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Gibbs: Not to mention better-looking.
Abby: You are getting sneakier the older you get!
Gibbs: Not to mention better-looking.
[Gibbs brings Tony back to the office, who had been recovering from y.pestis, and is puzzled by Kate and McGee ignoring him]
Tony: [watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.
Gibbs: [stands next to him] You feel that?
Tony: [glances at Gibbs] What?
[Gibbs headslaps him as Tony winces and gives him a dumbfounded look]
Gibbs: [smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.
Tony: [watches the team gear up for a call-out, still ignored, and disconcerted] Maybe I did die.
Gibbs: [stands next to him] You feel that?
Tony: [glances at Gibbs] What?
[Gibbs headslaps him as Tony winces and gives him a dumbfounded look]
Gibbs: [smiles] You're still alive. Welcome back, DiNozzo.