NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1
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Tony: Let me guess, you never inhaled.
McGee: I inhaled.
Tony: Yeah?
McGee: Once. A little bit.
Tony: How was it?
McGee: Didn't like it.
Kate: You didn't like it?
McGee: No...
Tony and Kate: He didn't inhale.
McGee: I inhaled.
Tony: Yeah?
McGee: Once. A little bit.
Tony: How was it?
McGee: Didn't like it.
Kate: You didn't like it?
McGee: No...
Tony and Kate: He didn't inhale.
Tony: Looks like we're going to play Gibbs' favorite game...
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Abby: Ooo! Musical interrogation rooms!
Tony: So, tell me doc. What have I got?
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
Dr. Pitt: [sighs] Pneumonic Plague.
Tony: Plague? [chuckles] Plague..
Kate: That's right Tony. Plague. 'Cause only you would go off and get a disease from the Dark Ages.
Tony: I didn't put plague in the letter.
Kate: You opened it!
Tony: Yeah. So I opened it. What are you so upset about? It's not like you're lying... [realizes]
Kate: Yeah. That's right,Travolta. I'm infected too.
Tony: [sincere] Oh Kate, I'm sorry.
Kate: Well you're going to be sorrier.
Tony: [all serious] No. Don't tell me Gibbs got it.
Tony: You know, I was thinking about becoming a doctor.
Kate: Really? You, a doctor?
Tony: Anthony DiNozzo, comma, M.D.
Kate: [laughs] Let me guess, a gynecologist?
Tony: Oooh... no. I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours, big bucks, never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit.
McGee: I had a terrible case of acne as a kid.
Tony: Of course you did, Probie.
Kate: Really? You, a doctor?
Tony: Anthony DiNozzo, comma, M.D.
Kate: [laughs] Let me guess, a gynecologist?
Tony: Oooh... no. I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours, big bucks, never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit.
McGee: I had a terrible case of acne as a kid.
Tony: Of course you did, Probie.
Tony: (focusing on strippers behind) How's that?
Abby: Well it's art but we kinda need a shot of her face.
Abby: Well it's art but we kinda need a shot of her face.
Tony: (To Witness) Look, there is always something you remember about every woman, something you'll remember in twenty years time... something small and subtle... a piece of jewelry, a laugh... a smell.
Kate: Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein Ad.
Kate: Ugh, I feel like I've died and woke up in a Calvin Klein Ad.
Tony: Anyone, and I mean anyone, know when the air conditioner is getting fixed? What about the name of the genius who invented windows that don't open? Like, what are we on - a space ship? Windows should open!
Tony: Are you done yet? (Standing over McGee, eating a cookie. Wipes crumbs off of McGee's head)
Tony: At least I don't hang out with married people.
Kate: [to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Abby: Absolutely they can.
Tony: Without having sex?
Abby: Oh no, they'll have sex.
Kate: Abby?!
Abby: What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
Kate: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
Gibbs: [steps in] Good question, Kate.
Kate: [to Abby] Would you please tell him that a man and a woman can just be friends?
Abby: Absolutely they can.
Tony: Without having sex?
Abby: Oh no, they'll have sex.
Kate: Abby?!
Abby: What? Come on, Kate, haven't you ever slept with a friend?
Kate: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
Gibbs: [steps in] Good question, Kate.
Tony: Delivery complete.
Gibbs: That's good work, Tony.
Tony: Thanks, Boss. That means a lot.
Gibbs: If NCIS doesn't work out I hear General Wee's Chinese Restaurant is hiring.
Gibbs: That's good work, Tony.
Tony: Thanks, Boss. That means a lot.
Gibbs: If NCIS doesn't work out I hear General Wee's Chinese Restaurant is hiring.
Tony: I didn't think you would notice!
Kate: Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!
Tony: It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.
Kate: It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!
Tony: See you just said it was sharing!
Ducky: Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.
Tony: That was before Kate got here.
Kate: Oh stealing food is okay if no one notices!
Tony: It wasn't stealing, it was sharing.
Kate: It was my lunch! I don't want to share my lunch!
Tony: See you just said it was sharing!
Ducky: Excuse me. Show a little respect, this is a place of peace and dignity.
Tony: That was before Kate got here.