NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1
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McGee: So what's the plan? Good cop/bad cop?
Kate: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
McGee: Which one is which?
Kate: You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.
Kate: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
McGee: Which one is which?
Kate: You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.
McGee: What do you got, Abs?
Abby: [to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Gibbs: Humor him.
Abby: [to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Gibbs: Humor him.
McGee: What kind of interrogation technique is that?
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty but it's effective.
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty but it's effective.
McGee: (walks in on Abby and Palmer super glued together) Palmer, what the hell are you doing?
Abby: You know, you didn't have to yell at him. Jimmy is terrified of you now.
McGee: He is? Cool.
Abby: You know, you didn't have to yell at him. Jimmy is terrified of you now.
McGee: He is? Cool.
McGee: You just ruled out both suspects.
Abby: No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs: Gibbs.
McGee: Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
Gibbs: McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
Abby: No, I didn't. I just proved someone smoked Llamas at Rock Creek park.
[McGee dials Gibbs. Cut to Gibbs making out with Karen. He picks up the phone.]
Gibbs: Gibbs.
McGee: Boss. I don't know if this is important, but-
Gibbs: McGee, this better be the most important phone call you make in your life.
[McGee tries to hand the phone to Abby, she dives out of the way.]
Niles: Wow, I'm amazed you found that.
McGee: Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
Niles: Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
Gibbs: He wanted us to look for a body.
McGee: We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
Niles: Man, I got to meet this woman.
McGee: She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
Niles: She Goth?
McGee: Uh-huh.
Niles: I love Goth.
McGee: Actually, I didn't. Our forensic scientist, Abby Scuito, did.
Niles: Wow, this Scuito, she must be hot.
[...]
Gibbs: He wanted us to look for a body.
McGee: We still would be if Abby hadn't found the hinky blood trail.
Niles: Man, I got to meet this woman.
McGee: She's probably not your type. Tattoos, piercings, dark make-up...
Niles: She Goth?
McGee: Uh-huh.
Niles: I love Goth.
Palmer: [to a dead body] I'm going to have to lock you up for the night, Commander.
Abby: [in a deep voice] NO! Don't put me back in the dark!
[Palmer jumps back]
Palmer: Abby! You made me almost...
Abby: [smiling] I made you almost what...? [in a deep voice] Jimmy?
Abby: [in a deep voice] NO! Don't put me back in the dark!
[Palmer jumps back]
Palmer: Abby! You made me almost...
Abby: [smiling] I made you almost what...? [in a deep voice] Jimmy?
Tony: [referring to Ducky's elderly mother] Her last words to me were either "I'm gonna slit your throat" or "kiss your moat." I couldn't tell 'cause she was slurring.
Tony: [while attempting to guess what McGee's first car was, McGee starts to reply] If you say Datsun Honeybee, I'm gonna come over there and smack you.
Tony: A dead transsexual sailor, his spook instructor and a pair of human eyes walk into a bar, what's the punchline Kate?
Kate: Whatever it is, it involves this girl and Paraguay.
Tony: That's true, but not very funny. Probie! Make me laugh!
McGee: Okay, the bartender doesn't believe it so he asks the spook instructor 'what the hell is going on?' And the guy says 'what, guy can't have a drink with his pupils?'
Kate: Whatever it is, it involves this girl and Paraguay.
Tony: That's true, but not very funny. Probie! Make me laugh!
McGee: Okay, the bartender doesn't believe it so he asks the spook instructor 'what the hell is going on?' And the guy says 'what, guy can't have a drink with his pupils?'
Tony: Hey, turn that frown upside down, sweetie... we're going back to college!
Kate: Your problem, Tony, is you never left.
Kate: Your problem, Tony, is you never left.
Tony: I want double overtime for this, boss. That kid's a nightmare.
Gibbs: He reminds me of you.
Gibbs: He reminds me of you.
Tony: I'll take it. I've always wanted a dog. [The dog growls and tries to bite him.]
Kate: Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.
Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
Kate: I know.
Kate: Good dog. I think I'll call you Tony.
Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
Kate: I know.
Tony: Kate, Kate?
Motorcycle Rider: Who's Kate?
Tony: My dog. She must have run away after the crash.
Motorcycle Rider: What does she look like?
Tony: A Shih-Tzu.
Motorcycle Rider: A what?
Tony: Long brown hair, kinda mangy?
Motorcycle Rider: Who's Kate?
Tony: My dog. She must have run away after the crash.
Motorcycle Rider: What does she look like?
Tony: A Shih-Tzu.
Motorcycle Rider: A what?
Tony: Long brown hair, kinda mangy?