Kate: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Gibbs: [grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]

Kate: I hate to say it, but that was actually smart, Tony.
Gibbs: What was, Kate?
Kate: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.
Gibbs: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?

Kate: Tony, Please, we're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out, I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say, and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal?
Tony: Deal.
Kate: Thank you.

Kate: Wow, I thought you were the only one who could piss him off like that.
Tony: You never met his second wife.

Kate: Give him 5 seconds.
McGee: Until what?
Kate: Until he notices there's a ...
Tony: Bikini contest?!

Kate: Look all I am trying to say is that it is very unprofessional. Gibbs would never walk in here and tell us how much he paid for his shirt.
Tony: That's because the prices at Sears have been pretty consistent since the late 70's.
Gibbs: [entering] We have a body in Virginia. McGee?
McGee: Yeah.
Gibbs: Call Ducky.
McGee: Got it.
Tony: Hey, uh, boss? Have you had a chance to sign off on that missing persons case I gave you?
Gibbs: No, I haven't, DiNozzo. I tried to get to it last night but Sears was having a sale.

Kate: McGee, can't you tell when someone's kidding with you?
McGee: I used to and then I met you guys.

Kate: We need a mediator Ducky or I'm going to have to go to Employee Relations.
Tony: Which would be tattling!
Kate: No, Employee Relations is not tattling!
Tony: It's the adult version of I'm telling mummy.
Kate: You're so juvenile!
Tony: Am not.
Kate: Are so!
Tony: Am not!
Kate: We need an unofficial mediator Ducky.
Ducky: Well, did you try Gibbs?
Kate: Ugh...
Ducky: Good point.
Kate: We thought of McGee.
Tony: But, we have no respect for him.
Kate: And then we thought of you!
Ducky: I see, third on the short list. Well, at least I beat out Abby.
Tony: Well, we just came from there.
Kate: She turned us down.
Ducky: Oh.

Kate: You're relieved, Tony.
Tony: Oh, thank you. [pointing to the dog] This is Contessa, she likes it rough.

Lt. Col. Bushnell: I got your email, Special Agent Gibbs, and to tell you the truth, I was shocked - when did you learn to use a computer?

McGee: [referring to the poison ivy covering half his face.] So, honestly how do I look?
Abby: Um... Do you want the truth, or do you want me to lie to you to, uh... ease the burden of your own self-loathing?
McGee: I'd prefer the lie.
Abby: Me, too. You're the fairest in the land, McGee.

McGee: Are you wishing you were a computer geek?
Tony: I'd rather be homeless than be you, Probie.

McGee: Boss, I told her. The Deputy Secretary of State.
Gibbs: Yeah. Did it work?
McGee: Well, she submitted a formal complaint to the Director.
Gibbs: McGee... Good job.

McGee: Is Gibbs still mad at me?
Tony: About what, probie? Dead marine on campus? Missing petty officer? Computer hacker who might be part of a radical peace movement? None of these things are your fault, really... But sending Gibbs on a panty raid?
Kate: He's going to kill you.

McGee: Is it me, or did he take the whole Ari situation really well?
Tony: That's because he's looking forward to it.
McGee: Looking forward to what?
Tony: To finally getting to kill him.