[Gibbs slaps Tony]
Tony: If I get anthrax, how will you feel?
Gibbs: Not as bad as you, DiNozzo.

[In the showers.]
Tony: Who would send me a letter with anthrax?
Kate: Pick a girl, Tony. Any girl.
Tony: That's not funny, Kate.
Kate: Yeah, I know.
Tony: This is serious.
Kate: I know, Tony! I'm sorry.
Tony: At this very instant, someone is incinerating my Ermenegildo Zegna suit, my Armani tie, my Dolce Gabbana shirt and my Gucci shoes!
McGee: You know, it might not be anthrax.
Tony: I like the sound of that, Probie!
McGee: It could be smallpox, bubonic plague, cholera...
Tony: Probie!
McGee: ...foot powder, face powder, talcum powder...
Tony: Honeydust!
McGee: "Honeydust"?
Tony: Honeydust. I give it to girls.
[Kate glares at him but she knows Tony can't see it. He knows it.]
Tony: Women! Sorry, Kate. I give it to "women" at Christmastime. Very sensuous. You apply it with a feather.
Kate: [chuckles] You don't use the whole chicken?
McGee: I never heard of honeydust.
Kate: Yeah, that's because your mother raised you to respect women, McGee.
Gibbs: It makes a woman's skin feel silky smooth. When kissed, it tastes like honey.
[Everybody pokes their heads out of their showers and look in horror/amazement at Gibbs']
Gibbs: Got a box of Honeydust last Christmas. No card.
Tony: Ah... I think the post office screwed up, boss. Somebody else got your bottle of Jack and you got their...
[Tony is cut off by Kate]
Kate: Hey! Doesn't the post office irradiate our mail?
McGee: Yeah, that's right! All federal mail is funneled through the Ion Beam facility at Bridgeport, New Jersey. If it has DNA, it dies.
Tony: The diseases that you name, they-they have DNA?
McGee: They do.
Kate: Oh, you should have let him squirm.
Tony: Ha ha! Then, it's no worries!
Gibbs: Unless the post office screwed up again.

[Kate and Tony go undercover posing as a trashy couple going for a paternity test.]
Kate: You writin' my name, right?
Tony: What? I just wanna know if it's mine. She kinda sleeps around a lot, if you know what I mean.
Kate: If I did, it's cuz he ain't any good in bed.
Tony: Least I didn't sleep with my cousin.
Kate: You slept with my sista!
Tony: I thought it was you!
Kate: She weighs 300 pounds.
Tony: She was wearing your earrings.
Receptionist: That's enough! If you two can't be civil, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Kate: Look, is there anywhere I can wait away from him? Please? I'm beggin' you.
Receptionist: There's an empty exam room behind you two doors on the right.
Kate: Thank you. [She flings her gum at Tony as she leaves.]
Tony: I'm sorry. She slept with my brother. And my best friend. At the same time.

[Kate screams.]
Abby: Is something wrong?
Kate: Gibbs is driving.
Abby: I'm sending a prayer in many languages.

[McGee has been working on the NCIS computer network by himself, despite having no orders to do so.]
Gibbs: You have any idea where thinking like this is going to lead you?
Tony: Yeah, do you, McGee?
Gibbs: Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony. It looks like he could use a workout.
[After Gibbs, and an irritated Tony leave]
Kate: Don't let him intimidate you, McGee, that's my job today.

[McGee is talking to the Deputy Secretary of State in MTAC]
Deputy Secretary of State: And what exactly did agent Gibbs tell you to say to me?
McGee: He told me to tell you... stick it.
Deputy Secretary of State: You're telling me to...?
McGee: Stick it! Thank you, Mrs. Secretary of State, our conversation is now over.
[He signals to cut off the connection. The MTAC staff break into applause.]

[Tony and Kate are having a food fight]
Gibbs: Any more food fights in here, I'm joining in. With peas.
Kate: Frozen peas?
Gibbs: Nope. In the can.

[Tony emails Kate an old picture of her winning a wet t-shirt contest.]
Kate: Where did you get this?!
Tony: Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
Kate: Oh, my God...
Tony: Yeah, I was going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to tell everyone my pledge name!
Kate: You wouldn't dare!
Tony: Oh?

[Watching Gibbs conduct an interrogation]
Tony: I think Gibbs enjoys this more than sex.
Kate: That would explain the three wives.