Tony: Where the hell are you? Fornell's here with a warrant for your arrest.
Gibbs: Well, good thing I'm not there then.

Tony: Why didn't you take this fast to me, Abby?
Abby: You're like a piercing, Tony, it takes awhile for the throbbing to stop and for the skin to grow back.
Tony: Well, that's more than I wanted to know.

Tony: Wow! In that outfit, you could be NCIS cover girl.

Tony: You really like small towns?
Kate: Peace and quiet. A place where people know you by name. No Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner. What's not to like?
Tony: Too quiet, everybody knows your name, there's no Blockbuster and Starbucks on every corner.
Kate: Big cities just can't give you what small towns can, Tony. It's a simpler way of life, a slice of Americana.
Tony: One that doesn't include fifty yard line seats to the Redskins or women with full sets of teeth.
Kate: Yeah it always comes back to that doesn't it?
Tony: See... You do get me.

Tony: You remember when I stayed with you that time when it didn't really go so well.
Gibbs: Yeah, I remember, DiNozzo.
Tony: Well, I was younger then, immature, a little unfocused.
Gibbs: It was six months ago, Tony.

Tony: You weren't seriously going to let her shoot me, were you?
Gibbs: Nah.
Tony: You had a plan, right?
Gibbs: [unconvincingly] Yeah.

Tony: McGee said you wanted to see me. Actually, he said I was under house arrest, but I figured that was just your way of making a point.
Gibbs: Do I have to tell you the name of the creek you're up without a paddle? Or how deep it is?
Tony: Up to my knees?
Gibbs: I see you're familiar with this particular creek.
Tony: I'm sorry I took a long lunch, Boss, but I'm not working a hot case.
Gibbs: What's a hot case to you, DiNozzo? Shadowing a tight ass?
Tony: That's not fair, Boss.
Gibbs: War is not fair! And we are at war. Until I dismiss you, which could be any moment now, you will fight that war 24/7. That includes eating, sleeping, taking a crap. Got that?
Tony: Yes, Boss. Can I say something?
Gibbs: Only if it has something to do with that bastard I'm after!
Tony: It does.
Gibbs: Then speak!
Tony: Boss... You've really gotta see Moby Dick.

[after DiNozzo throws a rock through a window to illegally gain entrance to a house]
McGee: That's breaking and entering.
Tony: No. That was breaking... and this is entering.

[At the shooting range Gibbs tapes Tony's hat on his target]
Tony: [protesting] Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.
Kate: Then don't shoot it.
Gibbs: Back this up? [tapes Kate's PDA to her target]
Kate: [protests] Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.
Gibbs: Then don't shoot it. [walks away]
Kate: [to Tony] If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.
Tony: What?
Kate: We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.
Tony: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Gibbs: Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.
Tony: I'll bring the lighter fluid.
Kate: Deal.
[Later]
Abby: Very cool. Where can I get one of these? [admires Tony's bullet hole ridden cap]
Tony: You can have that one.

[Indistinct yelling.]
Kate: Thank god Tony is still alive.
[Gibbs gives her a questioning look.]
Kate: Who else you know who pisses people off like that?

[Tony, Kate, and Gibbs are sitting in wait against their car after Gibbs claims he saw a bomb in the house they were searching]
Tony: Are you sure it was a bomb, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Yes, DiNozzo. For the last time... I'm sure it was a bomb.
Tony: If you say so. EOD sure taking their sweet time getting here.
[Van arrives with Ducky and Gerald]
Ducky: Sorry we're late. Gerald got us lost several times.
Gerald: Me? You had the map.
Gibbs: We have our own problems here, Ducky.
Ducky: Yeah, I can see that. FBI take over our crime scene again?
Kate: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Gibbs: [annoyed] What do you mean 'thought'?
Kate: Do I really have to say it?
Gibbs: Say what?
Ducky: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Kate: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[behind them, the house suddenly explodes, sending everyone exclaiming to the ground]
Gibbs: [slowly lifting his head] Sorry. I didn't quite catch that last part...