Abby: But, you just got here dont you wana stay a couple of days. You can have some quality time with Tony.
Dinozzo Sr.: Ohhh, I'd love too Abby, but I have to get back to New York I've been away to long.
Ziva: But we barely got to see you.
McGee: Yeah, we were kinda hopin to hear your version of why Jr. got expelled from boarding school.
Tony: Your wildest dreams McGee. Let's go dad!
Dinozzo Sr.: What's the matter with you Jr? Relax.
Gibbs: Hey, DiNozzo hold on a minute.
Tony: Don't move. Stay. [walks over to Gibbs] Yeah boss.
Gibbs: Hey, where's your dad going?
Tony: New York
Gibbs: No not yet we need him get us into the reception.
[Tony laughs then Gibbs laughs]

Abby: Change, Gibbs. Change makes me itch. It always has. It's Agent Barrett. I'm not a fan. I mean, of change. Her I don't mind. She's feisty for someone so small, and I like that. Not that I like her, because I don't really.
Gibbs: Abby.
Abby: Not like I like you.
Gibbs: Abs. [hugs her]
Abby: I like our family just the way it is.
Gibbs: Nothing's going to change.

Abby: Did I miss it?
Ziva: No, he's letting him sit.
Abby: Sit?! He gets a chair? He -- he kills bunnies!!

Abby: Ducky found tissue underneath our victim's fingernails. Most likely from the killer. I ran the DNA, no matches.
Gibbs: Doesn't sound much like a breakthrough.
Abby: Well, it's not, but it is helpful because all military DNA is on file.
Gibbs: Just means our killer wasn't in the military.
Abby: Uggh... Rules out Director Vance.

Abby: Face it, McGee. We are doomed.
McGee: Gibbs can't really expect us to hack into the Pentagon in a single afternoon!
Abby: Yeah, he can.
McGee: You're right, we are doomed.

Abby: Heller made the bullet and I made the gun.
Tony: Huh. Assassination made easy, but I mean really, a gun would be easier.
Gibbs: He didn't build it to kill someone.
Tony: He built it to sell it.
Abby: [sarcastically] Perfect. Hi, I'm Abby Sciuto: International bio-weapons dealer.

Abby: Hi, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hey, Abs.
Abby: Hi, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hey, Abs.
Abby: Can I come in?
Gibbs: Yeah. You already are in.
Abby: Oh, right. Okay. It was nice talking to you.
Gibbs: Abs. Why are you here?
Abby: You know why I'm here. I matched the bullet in Pedro Martinez's head to your sniper rifle. You killed him. In cold blood. I mean, I know what he did, Gibbs. He killed your wife and your daughter, but Gibbs.
Gibbs: I know.
Abby: Gibbs doesn't do things like that, or does he? Now I don't know. I don't know anything. The only thing that I do know is that I didn't find this out by accident.
Gibbs: Rule forty.
Abby: If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are. You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and open them again it will be. [crosses her fingers and closes her eyes, only to open them in dismay] Do you realize the situation that I'm in now?
Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
Abby: Do you understand the choice that I have to make now?
Gibbs: I know.
Abby: Stop saying I know!
Gibbs: What do you want me to say?
Abby: Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that I made a mistake with the ballistics or --
Gibbs: No. No, I can't say that.
Abby: Then tell me how much I've been like a daughter to you, and how much you love me.
Gibbs: Will that help?
Abby: No. What I really need to know, Gibbs, is if you're going to love me no matter what.

Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Abby: I finally IDed the tire tracks to the SwiftCast getaway car. I got the make and model. It only took me 72 times longer than it usually does. How did people survive before there was pattern recognizing sparse representation algorithms?

Abby: I hereby accept your challenge. We will meet on the field at dawn. Weapons: Caffeine fueled intellect versus cold silicon based intelligence. Until then I bid you a good day sir. (turn around to see Ziva and McGee behind her who are trying not to laugh) Hi.
Ziva: Hi. you talk to your Mass Spectrometer?
Abby: Ya, sometimes. Why?
McGee: You challenged it to a duel.
Abby: Well it spit out a chemical composition that I'm not familiar with. There has to be some sense of decorum around here. I'm running it through the computer now.
McGee: Well, Gibbs is more interested in this. (holds up a pink, laminated card) Did you find anything yet?
Abby: When, McGee. If you haven't noticed, I'm the only one here! Which may be why I started talking to my machines in the first place.
McGee: Well, Abbs, I've got to tell him something.
Abby: Tell him you love him, McGee. It works for me.
Gibbs: (walks in with a Caf-Pow) Not all the time.

Abby: I like everything about Christmas. Except for that Chipmunk song. And shopping... I never know what to get anyone. Especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy who has nothing and wants... nothing.
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.
Abby: [startles, looking behind her] Hi, Gibbs!

Abby: I only take orders from one person: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unless he asks me to do it, it doesn't get done!
Sportelli: I think that's going to change, honey!
Abby: Gibbs! Make this awful man go away!

Abby: If Major Mass Spec were a guy, I would totally marry him and bear his little Mini Mass children.

Abby: It's more addictive than pistachios.
[Odd looks from Gibbs and McGee]
Abby: Well, have you ever just eaten one pistachio?

Abby: Jeremy Davison has no criminal record, Gibbs. He's a civilian, he has no ties to the military, his prints don't match any open casefiles. The boy doesn't even have a speeding ticket. I mean, we're talking cleaner than clean. Whiter than white. You could put him in the lineup with snow, snow is going to jail.
Gibbs: Or it just means he's never been caught.
Abby: [resignedly] Or it just means he was never caught.