Abby: Little square, Little square, Where have you been, Stuck on the behind of Riley's missing girlfriend.

Abby: No. You're never going to find the perfect woman for Gibbs.
McGee: How do you know?
Abby: Because he's already found her.
McGee: His first wife. That doesn't mean we can't still try, right?
Abby: It's futile.

Abby: Oh hey, I was just about to call Tony and McGee -- I think they were having sex.
Ziva: [Incredulously] Tony and McGee?

Abby: Okay, the victim, Leonard Caswell, postal worker. He was shot at point blank range by Robert Perry. It's kind of funny; a non-postal worker going postal on a postal worker. Not funny like, ha-ha funny, but funny like comically absurdly amusing funny. Like irony, comedy is very subjective.

Abby: Since when did I become the kid in class that the teacher won't call on? The evidence in my report says that you killed Pedro Hernandez, and you're not even willing to talk to me about it.
Gibbs: I didn't think I needed to.
Abby: I owe you everything! You're Gibbs! No one needs to know the truth about the Hernandez investigation. I am willing to do anything for you. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Gibbs: No you don't, Abs. I've only ever needed you to do one thing.
Abby: My job. But it's different this time. I mean, it has to be, right?
Gibbs: No, it doesn't.

Abby: This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.
Gibbs: The case, Abbs. The case.

Abby: Wait. Could you give McGee my hug today, because he really needs one.
Gibbs: [looks oddly at McGee]
McGee: [shakes his head] I'm good boss, thanks. [Gibbs turns around and leaves] [McGee gives Abby a look as she laughs]

Abby: We communicate in the same way. I could tell the first time I saw all of this. Everyone else saw chaos, and I saw patterns right away; there was order to the chaos. I want you to know that whatever it is that you're trying to tell me, I promise you, I promise I'll understand.
Ducky: Careful. Sometimes they talk back.

Abby: We'll figure it out together, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Oh please, call me Jimmy
Abby: I just did.

Abby: Well, wouldn't Susan know? She was there, right? Are you guys sure that we can trust her, because I am not.
Ducky: And why, may I ask, is that?
Tony: C'mon, Ducky. Everyone knows that Susan's taken a little shine to McGee.
[Ziva punches Tony in the stomach and he groans]
Abby: That has nothing to do with it. McGee, he's a capable investigator, but when it comes to matters of the heart he can be a bit... naive.
Ziva: Are you... talking from experience?
Abby: That's classified. Just think about his last girlfriend. She tried to kill him!
Tony: Oh, I get it. You're trying to cover McGee like a protective hen.
Ducky: Or an overprotective panther.
Abby: [shrugs uncomfortably] Okay... If Susan can't tell you who lucky number eleven is, I can. Just keep her out of my hair.

Abby: What are you hiding? [Gibbs pulls a Caf-Pow! from behind his back] Oh, no! It's too late, I can't! [pulls a NoCaf-Pow! from behind his back] Gibbs, you are an enabler and I love you for it!

Abby: What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your -- I'm ready, sir.
Gibbs: [hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.
Abby: I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?
Gibbs: Not sure I'm going.
Abby: What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!

Abby: You guys are going to Mexico! What's the plan?
Tony: What do you know, Abs?
Abby: Gibbs mentioned rule forty.
Tony: If you think someone's out to get you, they are?
Ziva: I have never heard of a rule in the forties.
Tony: They don't come up very often.
Abby: And that's a good thing.
Ziva: How many times have I told Gibbs to write these things down?!
Tony: You don't have to write them down, they're for daily use, most of the rules, but the forties --
Abby: The forties. The forties are for emergency use only.
Tony: If the forties are in play something unspeakably bad is going down.
Ziva: We have to get him back.
Season 8

Abby: You should see your dad.
Ziva: How would that help the case?
Abby: It wouldn't. Have you even spoken to him?
Ziva: No.
Abby: Okay.
Ziva: What does it matter to you?
Abby: Do you think it's just by chance that he came back into your life? I mean, what about Gibbs and his father and Tony? It's just that there comes a point, you know, in your lifetime where they really come back into your life, because they matter to you, and because you matter to him. I mean, I suppose that it sounds complicated, but believe me, it's not nearly as complicated as knowing that they're never, ever going to come back again.

Abby: Your eyes are getting heavy. All information is recorded in the subconscious mind. I'm going to count down from three. As I'm counting down, you're going to go into a deeper state of relaxation. 3... You're getting calm and relaxed. 2... You're going into a deeper state of comfort. 1... You're in a deep [touches Palmer's forehead with one finger as his eyes close shut] sleep. [gives a surprised thumb's up to McGee who nods in return]
Abby: You're at peace. You have the ability to retrieve any information at will. You have total recall. If at any time, you feel a block to your memory, take a deep breath, [Palmer takes a deep breath] and the block will melt away. Understand?
Palmer: [Nods sleepily]
Abby: Okay, I'm going to take you back to yesterday. You're at the rime scene. You find a passport.
Palmer: Passport?
Abby: Yeah, do you see it? It's vinyl, dark blue.
Palmer: Vinyl?
Abby: Yes.
Palmer: Dark blue?
Abby: Yes. Pick it up.
Palmer: No, I'm gonna get hurt.
Abby: You're safe Jimmy. No one is gonna hurt you. Deep breath. [Palmer takes a deep breath] Good. Okay, you're at the crime scene. You look down and what do you see?
Palmer: [smiles] Leather. Light brown.
Abby: [incredulous] What? [takes a deep breath and then continues] Okay, pick it up and look at it. Are you doing it?
Palmer: Mmhm.
Abby: Okay, what does it say?
Palmer: Cole Hann, low boot, size 7 and a half.
McGee: Sounds like a woman's boot.
Abby: [scolding] Jimmy, put Ziva's boot down. Can you hear me? It's Abby.
Palmer: Oh, Abby... Black, high platforms, Demonia, size 10
Abby: [stand up] Jimmy!
Palmer: [is startled awake] What? What did I say? Did we catch him? Did we learn anything about this guy?
McGee: No, but we certainly learned something about you.
Palmer: Whatever it is, it's not what you think.
McGee: If the shoe fits... [starts walking away and Abby blows out the candles]
Palmer: Wait, wait, where are you going?
McGee: These boots were made for walking.