Abby: You guys are just in time for McGee's crisis of faith. He's starting to realize that there may be someone on this planet who's smarter than he is.
Kate: Oh, I'm looking at one right now.
Tony: Well, Kate, in all fairness, I am the senior field agent, but I think it's an experience that...
Kate: I was talking about Abby, dodo-head.
Abby: [Fake curtsies] Thank you, Kate!

Abby: You guys okay?
McGee: Oh, yeah, we're peachy. I am dealing with my boat phobia, Tony is dealing with his rat phobia and Ziva is dealing with her ghost phobia.
Abby: So, what's Gibbs dealing with?
Gibbs: Them.

Abby: You're on the air.
Gibbs: Hey Abbs.
Abby: Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?
Gibbs: Spooks, Abby, spooks.
Abby: I can never get that straight.

Abby: ...Because I think that this - might all be my fault...
Gibbs: Maybe it is.
Abby: How can you say that, Gibbs? Just because some - some defective lunatic can't get it into his head that I think he is a defective...lunatic... That is not my fault. It's not my fault at all... It's not my fault. [realizing it really isn't her fault] it's not my fault. Huh. [picks up a hammer and chisel] I see why you like to work on the boat, Gibbs. Very, very cathartic. [puts the tools on the boat and breaks off a chunk] Oops. [gives Gibbs back his tools]

Abby: (about stripper) Wow Kate! How'd you get her to do that?

Abby: [as they are waiting in Evidence Garage] Ooh! Tarot cards. Want to see what happens next?
Tony: I am dying with anticipation. [gets distracted]
Abby: Tony! We are about to summon the elusive elements of the cosmos. Concentrate.
Tony: I'm with you. Call the spirits. Tell them to bring a pizza.

Abby: [gasps] You shaved your mustache! I liked you with a little hair on your face.
Gibbs: I've still got my eyebrows.
Abby: Good point.

Abby: [jumps when Gibbs touches her shoulder] Gibbs! Are you trying to give me heart palpitations?
Gibbs: No. What do you got, Abs?
Abby: Heart palpitations.

Abby: [lifting a fingerprint for the victim's car] Let your fingers do the talking. [to Tony] Why'd they tow it?
Tony: It was abandoned in a lot at Great Falls. Any of those finger prints big enough to be a man's?
Abby: Yep. Whoever was riding shotgun.
Tony: How fast can you run 'em?
Abby: Usually about 12 hours, but for dinner...
Tony: Get me an ID in two, and I'll make it Cafe Alantico.
Abby: Sweet.

Abby: [reading lips of people on a tape] "We have to..." something. "We have to - blank - him."
McGee: Kill?
Kate: Murder?
Tony: Love? [Gibbs slaps him] Ow. I really wish you'd stop doing that!
Gibbs: I will, Tony! When you stop "blanking" up!

Abby: [referring to an online fantasy site] I did a little trial and error with Laura Rowan's screen name, HomeAlone325, and Jeremy Davison's, NiceGuy653. Care to guess which fetish they have in common, Kate?
Kate: No, no. I'm going to hell just listening to all of this.

Abby: [referring to Eli David] He knew how to do it. He just confessed to knowing how to build the murder weapon. I mean, come on! How many people know how to build a homemade Claymore mine?
Malachi': In this room? [he, Liat and Ziva raise their hands]
Abby: Okay, fine. [raises her hand]

Abby: [watching footage of Tony in the bullpen] Okay, he starts to turn the picture over. There!
McGee: Go two frames back. See, that looks like a woman to me.
Abby: No, it doesn't. It looks like a hairy pirate with a mustache!
McGee: You mean Tony's assignment is to kill Johnny Depp?
Ziva: I like Johnny Depp.
Abby: This isn't working.
Ziva: It is too grainy. I cannot see anything.
McGee: I don't feel comfortable doing this.
Abby: I know. We're spying. On family.
Ziva: Well, sometimes we must cross boundaries to protect those we care about.
McGee: Well, hypothetically, what if Ray was Tony's target?
Ziva: Okay, though I am confident it is not Ray, we should prepare ourselves for the unexpected.
McGee: I hope it isn't anyone we know.

Abby: Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my mp3 player, my Caf-Pow, my desk or Burt my farting hippo without my express written consent.
Michael Seelus: Well, how am I going to do anything then?
Abby: And there's no cameras or flash photography.
Seelus: I don't have a camera.
Abby: And if accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.
Seelus: Why don't I just wear bells?
Abby: That's a really good idea! [moves across the lab and retrieves a set of bells from a drawer] I mean, I'm sorry about this. Darren worked out, but I've just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. [holds out the bells]
Seelus: I'm not putting those on.
Abby: Oh, actually you are!
Seelus: No, I'm not?
Abby: [cheerfully] Except for the fact that you are.
Gibbs: [walks in] Abs, I need something fast.
Abby: [to Seelus] To be continued. [to Gibbs] Who are you and what you done with my Gibbs who doesn't like interns?

Abby: Are you going somewhere?
Gibbs: Yeah. That's what I came down here to tell you. Los Angeles.
Abby: Into the lionesses den?!
Gibbs: [Kisses her cheek] I'm taking McGee.
Abby: Gibbs. It's just last time you guys went to L.A. one of you didn't come back.
Gibbs: I'll bring him home, Abs. [Walks away]
Abby: Just make sure you bring yourself back, too.