McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: I got it.
McGee: No, you went back too far.
Ziva: That's why I'm going fast forward now.
McGee: Hey, just... let me do is. Let me do it! Please? Okay? You handle this like you handle your car!
Ziva: And if you want to handle anything ever again remove your hand from my mouse!

McGee: She definitely seemed Un-Abby.
Ziva: Who?
Tony: Abby.
Ziva: Abby's unhappy?
Tony: No. Abby's Un-Abby. I need you to focus here, okay? Pitch in. I'll talk to her when I can.
McGee: Why you?
Tony: Because dealing with an angry woman requires a great deal of sensitivity. Clearly not an area of expertise for you.
McGee: Well, I don't doubt that you have more experience with angry women.
Tony: See? That wasn't very sensitive, was it?
Ziva: The man has one serious relationship and all of the sudden, he's an expert.
Tony: All right, there is one clear-cut, undeniable reason why I should be the one to talk to Abby: She owes me a dollar.

McGee: She does this for fun! She's been arrested twice! She steals people's money, she buys things...
Abby: The crazy ones are the best.
McGee: See, the weird thing is... I kinda dig it, you know?
Abby: Okay, love is never having to read her her Miranda rights, but she's gonna do this to somebody else. Throw her psycho ass in the brig. I love you, McGee. That should be enough.

McGee: So what's the plan? Good cop/bad cop?
Kate: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
McGee: Which one is which?
Kate: You'll have to ask their ex-wives to find out.

McGee: Something wrong, boss?
Gibbs: Just admiring your feminine glow.

McGee: Sounds like a bloodbath.
Tony: Mondays. How many bodies we talkin' about here?
Gibbs: Who said anything about a body, DiNozzo?

McGee: The blood starts at the ping-pong table.
Tony: Beer pong.
McGee: Huh?
Tony: This is tragic, don't tell me you've never played beer pong before, Probie.
[McGee stares at Tony]
Tony: What did you do at MIT?
McGee: Study.
Tony: Figures.

McGee: Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop, Gibbs was a Marine sniper, Kate protected the President of the United States... God only knows what Ziva did with Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent.
Tony: The first time I shot at someone... I wet my pants.
McGee: Really?
Tony: Really.
[McGee lets out a little laugh.]
Tony: If you tell anyone that, I will slap you silly.

McGee: We're trying to make a connection between Jennings and his killer.
Ziva: Brandon Sykes. But we hit a dead end.
Tony: No pun intended?
Ziva: Actually, it was.
Tony: Well, in that case, nicely done.

McGee: What do you got, Abs?
Abby: [to Gibbs] Do I have to answer the newbie?
Gibbs: Humor him.

McGee: What kind of interrogation technique is that?
Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty but it's effective.

McGee: What was that for?
Tony: Believing I was dead.
McGee: Hey, I never believed that you were dead. Ziva was the one that gave up on you.
Ziva: Don't even think about the headslap.

McGee: Wonder what they are doing up there.
Tony: Does the Navy still hang people?
Abby: Tony!
McGee: Well, it is treason, Abby.
Abby: McGeeeehee!
Tony: What else can they do? There's no way she walks out of here.
Ziva: No way.
Lee: Good night everyone! [Walks out]

McGee: You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Tony: Really a lot.

McGee: (on the phone with his mechanic) ...So, how much?
Tony: One octave or two?
Ziva: Two.
McGee: [high-pitched] $600?!