Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
[Ross gestures his consent]
Joey: Strip joints! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

Joey: Altogether, It's $12.75 .
Chandler: This coming from the man who couldn't split our $80 phone bill in half.

Joey: And what? Did you sleep with her?
Chandler: No! No, I just kissed her.
Joey: What?! That's even worse!
Chandler: ...How is that worse?!
Joey: I don't know, but it's the same!
Chandler: Look, Joey, I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. I think I'm in love with her.
Joey: Who cares?! You went behind my back? I would never do that to you!
Chandler: You're right, I have no excuses! I was totally over the line.
Joey: Over the line? You -- you're -- you're so far past the line, that you -- you can't even see the line! The line is a dot to you!

Joey: Come on, Chandler. Ross is our friend and he needs us right now. So why don't you be a grownup and come watch some TV in the fort?

Joey: Do you think I need a new walk?
Chandler: What?
Joey: Well, I've been walking the same way since high school. You know how some people walk in a room and everybody takes notice? I think I need a "take-notice" walk!
Chandler: Are you actually saying these words?

Joey: Finished my recommendation, and I think you'll be very, very happy. It's the longest I've ever spent on a computer without looking at porn.
Chandler: I don't... understand
Joey: Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
Monica: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Of course it does. It's smart. I used a thesaurus.
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep!
Monica: What was this sentence originally?
Joey: Oh, "They're warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They're humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens with full-sized aortic pumps."
Joey: And hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: Uh, Joey, I don't think we can use this.
Joey: Why not?
Monica: Well, because you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.

Joey: Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical.
Chandler: I want to say you, but that seems like such an easy answer.
Joey: It is me! It's a musical version of "Tale of Two Cities." So I think I'm gonna sing "New York, New York", and uh, oh, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."
Ross: Ah, Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities.
Joey: What?
Ross: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em.
Joey: Who?
Chandler: I'll get you the Cliff Notes.
Joey: The what?
Chandler: The abridgment.
Joey: Oh, okay. [To Ross] The what?

Joey: Her place was really that bad?
Ross: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, like that -- only, instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived!

Joey: Hey, Gunther. Let me get a lemonade to go.
Gunther: Lemonade? You okay, man?

Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out. [Shows Phoebe he's wearing a lacy women's thong]
Phoebe: Hmm, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut.

Joey: Hi, Ben. So you want to be an actor, huh? Well, I go to tell you, it's no picnic. There's ton of rejection. No stability. I mean, one day you're Dr. Drake Ramoray. The next day you're eating ketchup right out of the bottle. It's a tough life. I mean, sure, okay you can get up whenever you want, watch T.V. all day, meet tons of women in acting class... Who am I kidding? I can't talk you out of this. It's a great life.

Joey: How did the date go ?
Ross: Great ! I'm across the street, having sex right now !!!

Joey: I can't believe Ross went out with Rachel's sister! When Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for ten years.
Chandler: That was, like, five years ago.
Joey: Yeah, you got five years left!
Chandler: Joey --
Joey: You wanna make it six?

Joey: I once saw this movie where there was a door, and nobody knew what was behind it, and when they finally got it open, millions and MILLIONS of bugs came POURING out, and they feasted on human flesh! [Looks at door nervously] You know, IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO RESPECT YOUR WIFE'S PRIVACY!

Joey: I've been with my share of women. In fact, I've been with like a lot of people's share of women.