[Monica has just beaten Joey and Chandler at foosball with just herself playing for the "who-knows?" how many times]
Monica: [happy] And that would be a shut-down!
Joey and Chandler: [in unison] SHUT-OUT!!

[Monica has just broken up with Pete in the hospital and is walking out]
Pete: Wait. [Monica pauses] Could you leave a note? They've got me on a lot of pills, and I'm not sure I'll remember this tommorrow.

[Monica is watching Chandler sleep; Chandler, agitated by Eddie doing so, screams, causing her to scream]
Chandler: Why must everybody watch me sleep? There will be no more watching me sleep!
Monica: I was-
Chandler: Nah! No more.

[Phoebe's former singing partner left her again for commercial fame]
Phoebe: [singing about her]

[Rachel and Ross making out, Ross turns over on Rachel]

[Rachel is holding a weave over her breasts and yelling at Chandler for coming in with no announcement]
Chandler: [interrupting] Rachel, can I just say something?
Rachel: WHAT?!
Chandler: That's a loose weave. I can still see your uh... "nipular" area.

[Rachel's ex-fiance Barry just came in Monica's apartment door]
Barry: Rachel, I can't marry Mindy anymore. I want you.
Ross: [had been looking forward to asking her out] We really need to start locking that door!

[Ross enters the cafe house wearing Rachel's shirt]
Ross: So, what do you think?
Joey: I think were not wearing the same shirt anymore!
Joey: Dude, I don't think you should be wearing that.
Ross: Oh, I see. Somebody's afraid of a little competition with the ladies?
Joey: It looks like someone is the ladies!

[Ross has just finished explaining the "freebie list" (list of 5 celebrities a sexual partner can sleep with without conviction from the other) to Isabella Rosselini and she laughs in shock]
Isabella: You know, it's funny. Yesterday, I made a list of 5 goofy coffeehouse guys and I just bumped you for... that guy over there. [Ross looks away and Isabella gets away from him]

[Ross has trampled the sticks spelling out "pleh" and Joey started gasping]
Chandler: [sarcastically] Now it's not gonna make any sense!

[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
Monica: We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel: [raising her hand] I have another idea!
Monica: Sorry, idea time is over!
Phoebe: Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: What about the ones on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
Monica: [uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler: There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Monica: Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
Ross: I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: You just got in five minutes ago!
Ross: Three! I don't know why that's important!
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey: [sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Rachel: Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
Monica: If I win the lottery you guys are not going to leave me! Someone gave me a basket of mini muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
Rachel: Chandler, would you tell her that what she did was wrong?!
Chandler: [turns to Monica] She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. [Monica gasps] Let me finish. [turns to Rachel] However, it doesn't look as though I'm going to get this job, so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you, the tickets are ours!! [snatches the tickets from an open-mouthed Rachel]
Monica: [jubilantly] There's the man I married! [high-fives Chandler]
Rachel: Believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're going to hear from any of us!
Monica: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgeries so they look just like you!
Rachel: That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
Joey: [snatches the bowl from Rachel] I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graf!
Ross: [snatches the bowl from Joey] I want mine too! And if I win I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond!
Phoebe: [tries to put all the tickets into the bowl] You guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together!
Monica: No! [snatches the bowl] We should divide them up, and I should get extra because we used my car to buy them!!
Joey: If anybody gets extra tickets it should be me; this whole thing was my idea!! [snatches the bowl]
Chandler: Oh yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!!

[The gang is playing poker.]
Rachel: I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck?
Ross: No, not this time. [he folds] So what'd you have?
Rachel: I'm not telling.
Ross: Come on, show them to me. [He reaches for her cards. Rachel covers them up]
Rachel: No!
Ross: Show them to me!
Rachel: Get your hands out of there! No!
Ross: Let me see! Show them!
Chandler: You know, I've had dates like this.

[Wheel of Fortune is on Joey and Chandler's TV and "_ount Rushmore" is on the board]
Joey: These people are stupid. It's Count Rushmore!
Chandler: You know, you should really go on this show!