Ross: Monica's pregnant!
Joey: Oh, my...! Is that why you guys had to get married?
Monica: Guys! I'm not pregnant.
Joey: Ah. [To Chandler] Slow swimmers?

Ross: Okay, awkward question, the hospital knows you took two, right?

Ross: People are doing 'it'in front of my book!

Ross: We knew we had two weeks together and thats it.
Joey: Thats what all my relationships are like.
Chandler: But in Ross's case they both know two weeks is it.

Ross: [To Monica] Cheater, Cheater, compulsive eater.

Ross [seeing Chandler and Monica from across his apartment] What are you doing?! GET OFF MY SISTER!!

Ross Whoa, whoa, whoa! Australopithicus isn't supposed to be in that display. No, no, no, no, Homo Habilis was erect; Homo Austrapalithicus was NEVER fully erect.
Chandler: Well, maybe he was nervous.

Ross: "Lift! And Slide!"

Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
Phoebe: You mean, in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

Ross: [after seeing Monica and Chandler through the window] CHANDLER! I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING THROUGH THE WINDOW! I SAW WHAT YOU WERE DOING TO MY SISTER. NOW GET OUT HERE!
Chandler: Well, we had a great run. What was it -- four, five months? That's more that most people have in a lifetime. So bye, take care, buh-bye then. [kisses Monica and gets ready to jump out the window]

Ross: [quietly to Chandler] How could you tell her?!
Chandler: I had to! We're getting married! Couples can't keep secrets from one another!
Ross: Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City!
Chandler: DU-UUUDE!!
Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?
Ross: Chandler and I are in a bar...
Chandler: Did you not hear me say DU-UUUDE?!
Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at him. After a while he goes over to her, and a minute later I see them kissing. Now you're thinking, "Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls!" And you're right, he's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls! [widens his eyes]
Monica: You kissed a guy?!
Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy!
Ross: I laughed so hard...
Chandler: ...that we had to throw out your underwear again?!
Ross: Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

Ross: [speaking through the phone to the pens Company] Yes, Hello! I have a question, uhm!... I used your pen to draw on my friend's face. [something at the phone]... A beard and a mustache. [Something at the phone again] oh! Thank you!...

Ross: [storming into Chandler's room] I'm getting married today!!! Whoo-hoo!!!
Chandler: [covered up in bed] Morning, Ross.
Ross: I'm getting married to...day!!!
Chandler: Yeah, you are.
Ross: [leaving the room] Whoo-hoo!!!
Monica: [popping head out from under Chandler's covers] Do you think he knew I was here?

Ross: [Watching the fight on TV where Pete gets injured and talking to Monica] This is ironic. Out of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it now Pete can't!

Ross: All right, a joke -- lighten the mood. Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross: ... And the Irish guy wins the joke.