Monica: I'm sorry.
Chandler: Well, sorry doesn't bring back the little piggy that cried all the way home.

Monica: Joey, did you even interview this woman before you asked her to move in?
Joey: Of course I did.
Monica: What exactly did you ask her?
Joey: "When can you move in?"

Monica: Just so you know, I'm not gonna make a turkey this year.
Joey: What?
Monica: Phoebe doesn't eat turkey.
Joey: Phoebe!
Phoebe: Turkeys are beautiful, intelligent animals!
Joey: No, they're not! They're ugly and stupid and delicious! Besides, eating them is a tradition. It goes back to the very first Thanksgiving when the Indians sat down with the cowboys!
Rachel : Oh, right, that's when they had that big rodeo at Plymouth Rock!
Monica: It's not just Phoebe. Will's still on a diet, Chandler doesn't eat Thanksgiving food and Rachel's having her aversion to poultry!
Joey: She is?
Rachel: Yeah! Don't you remember? I had to leave the room the other day when you had that roast chicken?
Joey: Yeah, but I thought it was just because I put the whole thing on my hand and made it walk across the table!
Monica: It just doesn't seem worth it to make an entire turkey for just three people, okay? It's a lot of work!
Joey: But you gotta have turkey on Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving with no turkey is like 4th of July with no apple pie! Or Friday with no two pizzas!
Monica: All right, fine, if it means that much to you! But there's gonna be a ton left over!
Joey: No, there won't! I promise, I will finish that turkey!
Monica: Okay, you're telling me that you can eat almost an entire turkey in one sitting?
Joey: That's right! 'Cause I'm a Tribbiani, and this is what we do! We may be not great thinkers, or world leaders, we don't read a lot, or run very fast... but damn it, we can eat!

Monica: Man, I would be great in a war! I really think I'd make a fantastic military leader. I mean, I know I'd make general before any of you guys.
Chandler: Before or after you were shot by your own troops?

Monica: Okay. You cannot tell Chandler. Okay? But I ran into Richard.
Phoebe: Which Richard?
Monica: The Richard.
Phoebe: Richard Simmons?!
Monica: No, my ex-boyfriend Richard. You know: the tall guy, mustache.
Phoebe: Okay, that actually makes more sense. How was it?

Monica: Rachel, things can get incredibly complicated.
Rachel: All right, all right! You're right, I won't do anything with Joey. I just thought it would be...
[Joey walks in]
Rachel: Okay... so that would be two cups of tarragon, one pound of baking soda and one red onion?
Monica: What the hell are you cooking?

Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh, Monica, hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: [Pointing at Rachel] De-caff. [To the gang] Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. [To Rachel] This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
[They go to hug but Ross' umbrella opens. he sits, defeated again]
[A moment of silence where Rachel sits; the others expect her to explain]
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- [to waitress]Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. [To Monica] So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: -who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...

Monica: Really? That scientist guy?
Phoebe: Really? Chandler?

Monica: Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!

Monica: So basically, this is a getting-rid-of-everything-Rachel-ever-used sale.
Ross: Touched, used, sat on, slept on.
Gunther: I'll take it all.

Monica: So, what'd you think of the house?
Chandler: It's perfect! It's everything we've been looking for!
Monica: Isn't it? And what about the amazing wainscoting and the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
Chandler: And the wigglewoms and the zipzorps?... What were the things you said?

Monica: This isn't even my dress.
Phoebe: Well at least you didn't rent yours from a store called "It's Not Too Late"!

Monica: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills, but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Phoebe: You won awards?
Monica: Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.

Monica: We were, we were just in the storage area and we saw this really creepy man!
Rachel: It was, like, this crazy-eyed, hairy beast man! He was like a, like a bigfoot or a yeti or something!
Monica: And he came at us with an axe, so Rachel had to use a bug bomb on him!
Rachel Yeah, I -- I -- I just pulled the tab and I just fogged his yeti ass!
Joey: Uhh, like, dark hair, bushy beard?
Rachel: Yeah!
Joey: Yeah, you fogged Danny.
Rachel: Please! We did not fog Danny!... Who's Danny?

Monica: Well, you're different funny. You're more sarcastic and well, he does fits and impressions and limericks.
Chandler: I can do limericks. 'There once was a man named Chandler, whose wife made him die inside!'