Two and a Half Men quotes
728 total quotesBerta: (on how she gets people to leave) Just tell 'em you missed your period and you're out of pot.
Charlie: An orgy requires a minimum of six people.
Alan: What?
Charlie: It goes (counting on his fingers) masturbation, one-on-one, three-some, two couple swinging, two couple swinging with a looky-loo, (holds up six fingers) orgy's six.
Alan: What?
Charlie: It goes (counting on his fingers) masturbation, one-on-one, three-some, two couple swinging, two couple swinging with a looky-loo, (holds up six fingers) orgy's six.
(Alan is moving out and Charlie has helped him pack. Alan finds a box labeled "Porn & Blow-Up Doll.")
Alan: You couldn't spell "Miscellaneous"?
Alan: You couldn't spell "Miscellaneous"?
(Charlie has bribed Jake and Eldridge with five one-hundred dollar bills and told them to split it up any way they want.)
Eldridge: No matter how I figure it out there's gonna be one left over!
Eldridge: No matter how I figure it out there's gonna be one left over!