Christian: You´re beautiful, Mrs. Grubman. Unfortunately, we live in a world where only one kind of beauty is recognized. But I´m telling you, tonight, the way you worked that room, the way you flirted with those rich guys, batted your eyes and walked away with a $100,000 check for a cause that needs you that was beautiful to me.

Christian: Your chocolate cupcakes are looking very tasty this morning, Michelle.
Liz: Oh I get it. A straight man mentions sex, it's not sexual harrassment. It's foreplay.

Colleen: (wheeling out a Teddy Bear stuffing machine) Do you know what it's like to be a nobody and suddenly become a somebody because you hit your dumb little unimportant star, the one that shines so much brighter than yours? And do you know how much it hurts... (attaching a hose up to the machine) ... when that wonderous, magical star suddenly flickers out and dies in your life, and you end up being just shut in the shadows? It hurts so much! You will not take away my star, you will not take away my Sean. (holds the hose up to the face of a tied down man) I want you to open your mouth. I said open your mouth! Get some god damn dignity. (places the hose in his mouth and turns the machine on) See the stuffing? It's going inside you now. That's it, that's it. that's it, that's it. (closes the now dead man's eyes and places bead eyes over his)
Season 6

Conor: I went to an all-boys prep school, and there are a lot of girls at my college. My mom always told me that people would love me for my big green eyes and my good heart, but I've come to realise girls also like it when you can unhook their bras by yourself.

Dawn Budge: I wanna buy one more thing, Dr. Troy. A night with you. I need Dwight to know he can't do what he did without consequences. Basically, I want a revenge screw.
Christian: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
Dawn Budge: I will pay you a hundred thousand dollars.
Christian: I wouldn't sit on the same toilet seat as you for a hundred grand.
Dawn Budge: Name your price, sexy man.
Christian: Four hundred thousand bucks gets you ten minutes. Strictly missionary, nothing kinky.
Dawn Budge: I'll throw in an extra twenty if we can do it on the rug.

Dawn Budge: It is time my body matched my bank account.
Mallory Budge: If that's what you're after, you'd been skinny your whole life.

Diana Lubey: He suffered so much from her cruel unhappiness, but he wouldn't leave. He was just like that, an old-fashioned man. Divorce was unthinkable. Couldn't face his children, his grandchildren. He loved me, but I was the one left with nothing. Not a mention at his funeral, no closet full of his shirts to sleep in. So I stole his ashes and I valued them. My only crime was loving him too much.

Dr. Faith Wolper: Have you ever had any loving adult relationships?
Christian: Yeah, sure.
Dr. Faith Wolper: What happened?
Christian: One of them married Sean and the other... Well, it just didn't work out. It wasn't my fault. Even Sean couldn't make it work with her.

Dr. Griffin: Dr. McNamara, Dr. Troy, I want you to take 15 seconds and write down everything you can think of to describe your partner. The first things that come to mind. Go. [The partners scribble]
Dr. Griffin: Dr. McNamara, why don't you go first?
Sean: "Tall, arrogant, peacock, womanizer, clothes whore, damaged, dangerous, asshole."
Dr. Griffin: Dr. Troy, do you have anything you'd wish to say?
Christian: Well it's kind of hard to argue with any of those.

Dr. Jordan: I couldn't believe it when I saw your name on my appointment sheet. What happened to your nose?
Christian: That's why I'm here. I broke it during a game of hoops with the boys. I'm looking to have a rhinoplasty A.S.A.P. How's your schedule?

Dr. Jordan: No moles, but I'd recommend some lipo for those hips.
Christian: Are you saying I have love handles? I do not have love handles.
Dr. Jordan: Not that they are noticeable to the untrained eye, but to a professional...
Christian: Hey, I am a professional, sweetheart. Don't try and sell me something I don't need. Men half my age want to look as good as this, okay? You're the one who needs work done, doctor. Lasik.

Dr. Mike Hamoui: [in Christian's apartment] I can still hear the screams from the women you've banged in here.

Dr. Mike Hamoui: Aren't your partner with Sean McNamara? How come he isn't doing this for you?
Christian: We are too busy to give in-house freebies.

Dr. Sagamore: Six figures isn't doing it for you anymore?
Sean: I want to be of service. I left my practice, my wife, my son and daughter. I always thought I'd die without them but I didn't. I'm alive. Alive with nothing to live for.
Dr. Sagamore: Could you speak up? It's hard to hear through all those violins.

Eden: I know you fantasize about me while you're pumping away on little Miss Jenny Craig. Does fatty dumpster swallow? I bet she's too worried about the calories.