NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



[In a flashback, Tony is talking to Gibbs over the phone. Gibbs' cell rings in the background]
Tony: You need to get that?
Gibbs: No. My wife.
[...]
Gibbs: [phones rings again] Ah, I gotta get this one.
Tony: Is that your wife again?
Gibbs: Divorce lawyer.

[McGee sneezes]
Tony: Cover your mouth.
McGee: I'm allergic to sawdust. Mostly pine. I'm better with hardwoods. You know, walnut, oak.
Tony: Were you a sickly child? Because I'm betting you were a sickly child.
McGee: I need my inhaler.
Tony: I want Ziva back.

[Tony and Ziva are Abby's lab attempting to piece together the burnt pages of the book]
Ziva: Tony, you're hogging the end pieces!
Tony: That's because I start with the end pieces. Haven't you ever done a puzzle before? You go out to in.
Ziva: Have you ever done a puzzle before? Because you work in to out!
Abby: [laughing at their bickering] Will you guys stop? I'm trying to read here.

[Tony is hiding in a shower cubicle in a secret attempt to read Gibbs' invitation. Ziva realizes this and pulls the curtain back on him.]
Ziva: Tony.
Tony: Ziva.
Ziva: You're in the women's shower fully clothed and you are holding Gibbs' mail.
Tony: What's your point?
Ziva: That letter's not for you to read.
Tony: I know, but there's so many questions to be answered. The happiest day in someone's life and they need Leroy Jethro Gibbs there to seal the deal? Doesn't make any sense.
Ziva: Right, so be honest. Surely you would Gibbs there at your wedding?
Tony: I don't know if a head slap coming down the aisle is the ideal Kodak moment.

[Tony looks pensively at Ziva's desk]
McGee: So, where is she?
Tony: [starts] Who?
McGee: Tony, Ziva's been gone since Thursday.
Tony: Oh! Ziva. Gosh, I hadn't noticed.
McGee: You are lying.
Tony: McGoo, I have better things to do than obsess about the whereabouts of our little miss fancy-pants Ziva.
McGee: Like what?
Tony: Well, for starters, there's lunch. Today I'm picking falafel.
McGee: Tony.
Tony: All right. She spent the weekend with him.
McGee: Who?
Tony: The sire of South Beach. The king of Key West. The man with the mister -- I'm running out of things to call him.
Tony: She won't even tell us his name.