Tony: [after hitting the comic book McGee's reading] Does that make you wanna hit me?
McGee: It's really tempting. But I think I'm gonna pass. [Ziva walks in] Maybe Ziva'll do it.
Ziva: Maybe Ziva will do what?
Tony: I've been working on my six-pack. You know? Abs.
Ziva: You and Abby have been drinking?
Tony: No, abdominals. No more beer gut for me. I've been training hardcore. Hitting the core hard. Carved. Hard as wood.
McGee: To match your head.

Tony: [As Tommy Lee Jones] All right, listen up, people. Our fugitive has been on the run for ninety minutes.
Ziva: It has been three hours, Tony.
Tony: Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring injuries, is 4 miles per hour.
Ziva: He's not on foot, he's in a car!
Tony: What I need out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Our fugitive has a name. And it is...
Gibbs: Corporal Damon Werth.
McGee: Hey, the Tommy Lee Jones speech... every time we have a fugitive? Really?

Tony: [singing] Baa, baa, black ship... have you any wool?... Yes, sir, yes, sir... but in order to see it, you're gonna need top-secret government clearance...

Tony: [watching an arrest in MTAC] An NCIS production. Presented by Leroy Jethro Gibbs. [On screen, FBI agents are running into building] Starring, as per usual, the FBI.

Tony: [watching Langer leave] What an ass.
Ziva: [looking down admiringly] Yes, indeed.
Tony: You're Langer-leering. You're leering at Langer.
Ziva: Why not? He's cute.
Tony: He -- he's not cute, he's --
Ziva: [puts her finger over Tony's mouth] Shh. Don't speak.
Tony: [impressed] Bullets Over Broadway. Woody Allen.
Ziva: Very good, Tony. You get a B in my class.
Tony: I could teach your class.

Tony: Any good tips? On the case?
Det. Sparr: You're here because I didn't return your call.
Tony: It would have been nice, yeah.
Det. Sparr: Well, when I'm in the middle of an investigation, I don't return social calls.
Tony: What makes you think it was social?
Det. Sparr: The way you stared at my ass the other day.
Tony: How do you know my interest in your ass wasn't purely professional?

Tony: Boss, we've already been through all of this! I mean, I got no leads, Ziva's flirted with every seaman on the base, and McGee's watched a hundred hours of Petty Officer Junction.
McGee: Hundred and fifty, actually.

Tony: Crash and burn, only a matter of time.
Ziva: What?
Tony: Not a what. A whom. Colonel Mann, Gibbs. Army/Navy joint operation.
Ziva: Could last a lifetime.
Tony: Behind the torture techniques and the contract killings, you're really just a...
Ziva: A whom?
Tony: Whom? Not a whom, it's more, it's a what.
Ziva: A what, then?
Tony: What then? Uh... what? What...
Ziva: I'm still just a what?
Fred Rinnert: A girl.
[both stop and look at him in surprise]

Tony: God! Oh, God, these are new boots!
Ziva: This is not the time for sightseeing, Tony!
Tony: The only sight I see is your big black...
Ziva: Hey!
Tony: Backpack! Walking faster!

Tony: I knew it. I'm gonna die. I inhaled it. God! Definitely didn't picture my demise like this. I always figured I'd go out like Cagney in White Heat. Fiery explosion. Or Redford and Newman. Butch Cassidy. Hail of bullets.
Gibbs: Or Charlie Chaplin in The Gold Rush.
Tony: How'd he die?
Gibbs: Silently.

Tony: I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of all this.
Jeanne: Was any of it real?
Tony: No.

Tony: I'm sorry, but the correct answer is Full Metal Jacket.
Ziva: That is not the best Marine movie. A Few Good Men is.
Tony: Based on the fact that I am right, I'm overruling you.

Tony: Paris. That's when it must have happened.
Ziva: The two of them alone in another world.
Tony: Putting their lives in each other's hands every day.
Ziva: Not to mention the long nights.
Tony: It was inevitable.
Ziva: Nothing is inevitable.

Tony: She died alone.
Ziva: We are all alone.
Tony: Yeah, thanks for that.

Tony: She doesn't want us involved. If there's one thing I learned about the Director's private wars, it's that it's best to stay away -- for her and for us! She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, it's probably a coincidence anyway, and she's behind one of those expensive windows munching on over-priced cashews courtesy of Mr. Out-of-Town.