Jen: [To Tony, after she gave Ziva information on the case] Something wrong?
Tony: Oh, just wondering if Gibbs knows who Ziva's secret contact is.
Jen: We had a saying in Europe: "Whatever Gibbs doesn't know..."
Tony: "...can't hurt him".
Jen: No. "Can't hurt us".

Jen: Always admired your way with children. Ever think to have any of your own?
Gibbs: That an offer, Jen?

Jen: What are you thinking about?
Gibbs: Paris.
Jen: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.

Jethro: Can somebody tell me what is going on here?! First, Abby's lab nerd frames Tony for murder, now McGee kills a cop... did someone break a mirror?

Jimmy Palmer: I always say, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

Kate: Why me, Gibbs? Wasn't stopping one bullet enough for you? Why did I have to take two?
Gibbs: I-I don't know.
Kate: You don't know? Come on, Gibbs, what's that famous gut tell you? Why did I die instead of you?

Kate: I'm dead now, Ducky. Shouldn't be. Could have killed Ari right here in autopsy.
Ducky: Why did you hesitate?
Kate: His eyes. There was something in his eyes that made me not want to kill him.
Ducky: His eyes were ice to me.

Kate: Why don't you visualize her naked? Does she intimidate you?
Tony: A woman hasn't been born yet who can intimidate Anthony DiNozzo.
Kate: You're forgetting your mother.
Tony: Mothers don't count.
Kate: And that lawyer. Marla?
Tony: Divorce attorney. Worse than mothers.
Kate: Well, Ziva's not your mother. She's not a divorce lawyer. She definitely intimidates you.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.
Tony: Does not.
Kate: Does too.

Lance Corporal Silva: How much trouble am I in?
Gibbs: Trouble? Why would you say that?
Lance Corporal Silva: Four NCIS agents escorting one lance corporal?
Tony: You got it all wrong, Marine. She's Mossad.

McGee: According to Petty Officer Riley's C.O. he's been on leave the last six days.
Tony: Nice vacation, little camping, knife to the heart, little trip inside a bear's digestive tract.
McGee: Yeah I'd fire my travel agent.

McGee: Bed time. I'll take the sleeping bag.
Abby: We're adults, McGee. We can share the same bed.
McGee: [Seeing Abby playing with his typewriter] If you promise to keep your hands to yourself.
Abby: Clearly, you haven't. Your shirt [Abby is wearing McGee's shirt] smells like J.Lo Glow. Oh, I can't find my toothbrush; I think it fell out in your car.
McGee: That's all right. Your old one's still in my bathroom.
Abby: You kept my old toothbrush? That's a little creepy, McGee. Maybe you should take the sleeping bag.
McGee: What is creepy about it? I just never bothered to throw it out. (Abby brings a toothbrush out of the bathroom) What?
Abby: This is not my toothbrush.
McGee: Well, then I must have bought a second one and forgot about it.
Abby: It's a ladybug toothbrush McGee. It's for cute girls named Gina Marie that bake cookies and wear J.Lo Glow. Not for quasi-manly federal agents who carry a gun.
McGee: Are you going to use it or not?
Abby: An anonymous toothbrush? I'd rather remove my own tonsils with Typhoid Mary's straight razor.
McGee: Where are you going?
Abby: To get my toothbrush.
McGee: No. No, you're not leaving the apartment.
Abby: Why not McGee? We both know Gibbs is just being over-protective.
McGee: I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about me if Gibbs finds out I let you leave.
Abby: That's a really good point. You go.
McGee: I'm not leaving you alone either.
Abby: Fine then I'll just use your toothbrush.
McGee: (grabs his coat) Do not answer the door for anyone. (leaves)
(someone knocks on the door, Abby answers it)
McGee: I told you not to answer the door for anyone!
Abby: What'd you forget?
McGee: My keys.
Abby: Why do you need your keys if I'm here?
McGee: My car keys. Now, you do not answer the door for anyone. (Abby gives him a mock salute) Anyone, or I will tie you up.
Abby: (excited) Really?

McGee: Boss, what exactly is Ziva doing in there? [Gibbs just looks at him] I don't want to know. [Gibbs shakes his head] Okay.

McGee: I killed a cop arresting a drug lord?
Ziva: His goose is cooked.
Tony: You would get that one right.

McGee: Something wrong, boss?
Gibbs: Just admiring your feminine glow.

McGee: Sounds like a bloodbath.
Tony: Mondays. How many bodies we talkin' about here?
Gibbs: Who said anything about a body, DiNozzo?