NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
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Kate: Do all Marines build boats?
Tony: Only the ones who've been married a few times.
Kate: Why's that?
Tony: The rest of them can afford to buy one.
Tony: Only the ones who've been married a few times.
Kate: Why's that?
Tony: The rest of them can afford to buy one.
Kate: Do we know how big his unit was?
Abby: We could ask him, but in my experience most men lie about that point.
Abby: We could ask him, but in my experience most men lie about that point.
Kate: Gibbs will get over it
McGee: When?
Kate: Well, let's see. Last year Tony spilled his coffee and he warmed up to him... oh, about an hour ago. So, roughly eight to ten months.
McGee: When?
Kate: Well, let's see. Last year Tony spilled his coffee and he warmed up to him... oh, about an hour ago. So, roughly eight to ten months.
Kate: Gibbs, what did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Gibbs: [grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
Gibbs: [grinning] Ilya Kuryakin.
[N.B. When he was younger, David McCallum (Ducky) played the role of Soviet secret agent Ilya Kuryakin in the TV series The Man from U.N.C.L.E.]
Kate: I hate to say it, but that was actually smart, Tony.
Gibbs: What was, Kate?
Kate: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.
Gibbs: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?
Gibbs: What was, Kate?
Kate: Tony might have figured out how to find the hacker.
Gibbs: It's his job. You think I keep him around for his personality?
Kate: I was in the Secret Service, we tend to get all hot and bothered over large numbers of $100 bills.
Tony: Is that what does it for you?
Kate: What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery you will never find out.
Tony: But, I know the answer.... Grant.
Tony: Is that what does it for you?
Kate: What does it for me, Tony, is a mystery you will never find out.
Tony: But, I know the answer.... Grant.
Kate: Is he really sleeping or is that just an act?
Tony: Oh, he's sleeping.
Kate: How can you tell?
Tony: He looks peaceful.
[Later]
Gibbs: Morning. Sleep well?
Kate: If you consider throwing up violently all night and being thrown around like a couple of rag dolls...
Tony: ...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.
Tony: Oh, he's sleeping.
Kate: How can you tell?
Tony: He looks peaceful.
[Later]
Gibbs: Morning. Sleep well?
Kate: If you consider throwing up violently all night and being thrown around like a couple of rag dolls...
Tony: ...then yes, we slept very well, Boss. Thanks for asking.
Kate: Speaking of way beyond hinky...
Tony: Okay, Kate. I can take it.
Kate: What was it like, tonguing a guy?
Tony: [deep breath] I can't take it.
Tony: Okay, Kate. I can take it.
Kate: What was it like, tonguing a guy?
Tony: [deep breath] I can't take it.
Kate: Still no head or left leg.
Abby: Did you check Hooterville?
Tony: Where's Hooterville?
Abby: You guys. Petticoat Junction, Green Acres. Hooterville.
Tony: I prefer TV shows from this century.
Abby: Did you check Hooterville?
Tony: Where's Hooterville?
Abby: You guys. Petticoat Junction, Green Acres. Hooterville.
Tony: I prefer TV shows from this century.
Kate: This...isn't the deck 5 berthing compartment, is it?
Sailor: (while standing at a urinal) No ma'am this is the men's head on deck 6.
Sailor: (while standing at a urinal) No ma'am this is the men's head on deck 6.
Kate: Tony, Please, we're stuck here together. Can we just make a pact? Until we're out, I won't make fun of all the stupid things you say, and you won't tell me any more film scenarios. Deal?
Tony: Deal.
Kate: Thank you.
Tony: Deal.
Kate: Thank you.
Kate: What does he want the LES for?
Tony: Kate, that's NCIS 101.
Kate: You have no idea.
Tony: Not a clue.
Tony: Kate, that's NCIS 101.
Kate: You have no idea.
Tony: Not a clue.
Kate: What's your clearance?
Tony: Confidential.
Kate: Confidential? What'd you do? Kill someone in high school?
Tony: Hah. Funny, Kate. They screwed up my paperwork with another agent.
Gibbs: Yeah, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Tony: They yanked my clearance and now I have to take a physical to get it back.
Kate: Why is that?
Tony: To prove that I'm still alive.
Tony: Confidential.
Kate: Confidential? What'd you do? Kill someone in high school?
Tony: Hah. Funny, Kate. They screwed up my paperwork with another agent.
Gibbs: Yeah, DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Tony: They yanked my clearance and now I have to take a physical to get it back.
Kate: Why is that?
Tony: To prove that I'm still alive.