NCIS quotes
1049 total quotesAll Seasons
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Jimmy: Yeah. When I was a kid, I used to bury our pets under our porch till my mom found out. She was pretty upset.
Ducky: They didn't want you to bury your pets?
Palmer: No. We lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.
Ducky: They didn't want you to bury your pets?
Palmer: No. We lived on the tenth floor of an apartment building.
Jimmy: Something wrong, doctor?
Ducky: Her head is in the toilet, Mr. Palmer.
Jimmy: Oh, right.
Ducky: Her head is in the toilet, Mr. Palmer.
Jimmy: Oh, right.
Jody: ...and I can only think of one explanation. It was the hand of God!
Ziva: [to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
Tony: I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.
Ziva: [to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
Tony: I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.
John: John, Ag Department.
Kate: Kate, NCIS.
John: Hi... really?
Kate: Yes. Why?
John: I've never seen you and I'm at NCIS twice a month.
Kate: You are?
John: Yes, I specialize in hail and storm damage.
Kate: What NCIS do you think I'm with?
John: National Crop Insurance Service.
Gibbs: That's us, she's a wiz on how corn losses affect pork belly futures.
Kate: That's my boss - weird sense of humor. [later, to Gibbs] "How corn losses affect pork belly futures?"
Gibbs: Rule number seven: always be specific when you lie.
Kate: Kate, NCIS.
John: Hi... really?
Kate: Yes. Why?
John: I've never seen you and I'm at NCIS twice a month.
Kate: You are?
John: Yes, I specialize in hail and storm damage.
Kate: What NCIS do you think I'm with?
John: National Crop Insurance Service.
Gibbs: That's us, she's a wiz on how corn losses affect pork belly futures.
Kate: That's my boss - weird sense of humor. [later, to Gibbs] "How corn losses affect pork belly futures?"
Gibbs: Rule number seven: always be specific when you lie.
Kate: ....to replace me because I shave my legs and not my face is unconscionable and certainly not in the best interests of the case.
Gibbs: You claustrophobic?
Kate: No.
Gibbs: Good. [walks away]
Kate: I'm going?!
Tony: Don't forget to wax.
Gibbs: You claustrophobic?
Kate: No.
Gibbs: Good. [walks away]
Kate: I'm going?!
Tony: Don't forget to wax.
Kate: (whispering) What are you doing?!
Tony: Uh... listening.
Kate: That is just wrong.
Tony: Sneaking your horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the lookout for Al-Qaeda assassins, that's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better.
[They both nod, then put their ears to the door.]
Tony: Uh... listening.
Kate: That is just wrong.
Tony: Sneaking your horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the lookout for Al-Qaeda assassins, that's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better.
[They both nod, then put their ears to the door.]
Kate: [about Gibbs] Three red-headed ex-wives shows his judgment is a little questionable.
Tony: None of them were murder suspects. Although... I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.
Tony: None of them were murder suspects. Although... I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.
Kate: [after she spills Gibbs' coffee] What do you put in your coffee?
Gibbs: Coffee.
Kate: Okay...I'll...just go down the hall and get you another cup.
Gibbs: That's...not coffee.
[after Gibbs storms out]
Tony: I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate.
Gibbs: Coffee.
Kate: Okay...I'll...just go down the hall and get you another cup.
Gibbs: That's...not coffee.
[after Gibbs storms out]
Tony: I've never experienced Gibbs without his morning coffee. We're in uncharted waters here, Kate.
Kate: [on Gibbs] You think his recruiter told him a fast one?
Tony: I doubt it.
Kate: Why?
Tony: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
Tony: I doubt it.
Kate: Why?
Tony: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
Kate: [referring to Tony refusing to answer a woman's calls] Talk to her.
Tony: She'll get the message.
Gibbs: [small smile and nod]
Kate: You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.
Gibbs: Actually that wasn't it at all.
Kate: So what was it, then?
Gibbs: Seven iron.
Tony: She'll get the message.
Gibbs: [small smile and nod]
Kate: You know I bet this is why number two came after you with a nine iron, isn't it? You just refused to sit down and talk things through.
Gibbs: Actually that wasn't it at all.
Kate: So what was it, then?
Gibbs: Seven iron.
Kate: [regarding the terrorist who shot Gerald and Gibbs] Why did he give you a shot at him?
Gibbs: He needs to face death to feel alive. Maybe, to feel anything.
Gibbs: He needs to face death to feel alive. Maybe, to feel anything.
Kate: [sees Tony coming in Ducky's uniform] Oh my god.
Tony: Don't even, okay.
Kate: Did I say anything?
Tony: You were. I know you were.
Kate: They're a touch small, but other than that, it's fine. And the bonus - no belt.
Tony: Hmmf!
Tony: Don't even, okay.
Kate: Did I say anything?
Tony: You were. I know you were.
Kate: They're a touch small, but other than that, it's fine. And the bonus - no belt.
Tony: Hmmf!
Kate: [To a soaking wet and obviously freezing cold DiNozzo] You OK? What is it?
Gibbs: (grinning) Shrinkage.
Gibbs: (grinning) Shrinkage.
Kate: Damn it Tony I should just take you home and just get you into bed...
[Ducky and Tony look at each other and then back to Kate]
[Ducky and Tony look at each other and then back to Kate]