Friends quotes

613 total quotes



Ross: Hey, when we were married, you know what I never got? Uh, sex.
Rachel: Uh, yeah, well, no ring, no sex- big surprise.
Phoebe: Get me a musket and we'll talk.

Ross: I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller: Three divorces."
Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at Marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say "Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive."

Ross: I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there will be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically, you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and live forever as a machine!
Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

Ross: I studied ka-ra-te for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.
Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?
Ross: No, it's a concep--
Phoebe: Yeah, it is, it is. It's freshwater eel.
Ross: Okay, maybe it means that, too.

Ross: Sorry your husband cheated on you.
Rachel: And I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women ain't that great either, huh?
Ross: Try telling my wife that.

Ross: Wanna hear something weird?
Phoebe: Always!
Ross: Rachel and me are still married.
Phoebe: What?
Ross: I didn't get the annulment. We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. Okay, see you later...

Ross: We were drunk! I would've married Joey with that amount of alcohol!
Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!

[Elizabeth and Ross are kissing.]
Elizabeth: What's wrong?
Ross: I'm sorry, I was just thinking about your father.
Elizabeth: Okay... well, whatever works for you.

[In reference to Phoebe doing porn.]
Monica: Well, I guess it makes sense, you know, having such a terrible childhood.
Chandler: I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.
Monica: Yes, but you're dead inside.

[On tasting Rachel's English trifle/Shepherd's pie]
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: I like it!
Ross: Are you serious?
Joey: What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Beef, GOOD!

[Phoebe shows what her guy has for Rachel]:
Phoebe: And he has one of these. [Phoebe imitates a chin dimple]
Chandler: A face ass?

[Rachel Introducing her sister to everyone.]
Rachel: That's Joey.
Joey: How you doin ?
Rachel: DON'T !!!!!

[While playing Foosball]
Joey: How cool it would be, If you could watch a life size version of this ? How crazy would that be ?
Chandler: As crazy as Soccer ?

[While watching Phoebe's porn video]
Joey: You sick bastards.
Rachel: It's a tattoo. That's weird, Pheebs...wait, that's Ursula! That's not Phoebe, that's Ursula!
[Joey turns to watch the tape.]
Joey: Wait! Wait! Then I can watch that. Rewind it! Rewind it!
[Phoebe arrives.]
Phoebe: Hey, what's up? Oh, my...! What am I doing?!