Phoebe: Ninety percent of a woman's pheromones come out the top of her head! That's why women are shorter, so that men will fall in love when they hug them! [Ross is staring at Phoebe] Oh, come on, Ross, you're a scientist.

Phoebe: Seriously, Rachel's not gonna think it's a good idea.
Jill: So who made her Queen of the World ?
Phoebe: I would love that Job .

Phoebe: She didn't tell me I was gonna die until the very end of the session, and I was not going to waste a whole another hour there! I mean, I've only got a week left, you know? I've really got to start living now! [Picks up a car magazine and reads it]

Rachel: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

Joey: [Looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!

Phoebe: No, Barry and Mindy.

Joey: Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.

Rachel: Honey ! What did you do that bad that make dad cut you off ?
Jill: Okay.. I bought a boat.
Phoebe: You bought a boat ?
Jill: Yeah. It wasn't for me. It was for a friend.
Chandler: Boy ! Did we make friends with wrong sister ?

Rachel: I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.
Phoebe: That's easy! You just have to think of him as a -- as a jar of pickles that won't open.
Rachel: So, what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?
Phoebe: No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Rachel: It seemed my prom date had stood me up. So, selflessly, Ross offered to take me.
Elizabeth: What a sweet story!
Paul: So, Ross, you were in college, and you jumped at the opportunity to take a young girl to her high school prom?
Rachel: Wow! Did not see that one backfiring.

Rachel: OK, fine! I'll just tell Phoebe it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh, look at this! Little drawers! Oh look, look, it says that it holds... three hundred CDs!
Chandler: Ahhh, just like the apothecary tables of yore.

Rachel: That's a great story, grandpa!

Rachel: You know what else I'm not gonna miss? [mockingly] "I'm Monica. I wash the toilet seventeen times a day, even if people are on it!"
Monica: "Hi, I'm Rachel. Is my sweater too tight? No? Oh, I better wash it and shrink it!"
Rachel: "I'm Monica. I don't get phone messages from interesting people, ever.
Phoebe: Hey, I call her.
Monica: "Oh my, I love Ross, I hate Ross! I love Ross, I hate Ross!
Rachel: "Oh my...! I can't find a boyfriend, so I guess I'll just stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find in there!"
[Mad at Rachel's last comment, Monica angrily dumps one of Rachel's belongings into the cardboard box and walks away.]
Phoebe: Yeah, we should get a move on if we wanna make those dinner reservations. [she pulls out a drawer and dumps the entire contents into the box

Rachel:[Referring to her boss Kim] She doesn't like me very much.
Chandler: That's great. Because my boss doesn't like me either.
Monica: My boss doesn't like me either.
Ross: Maybe it's like a universal thing.
Joey: Or maybe because you're all hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.
All others: [In chorus] Let's get off to work...

Ross: Unagi is a state of total awareness. Only by achieving true unagi can you be prepared for any danger that may befall you.
Phoebe: You mean, in case someone's trying to steal your bamboo sleeping mat or your kettle of fish?

Ross: All right, a joke -- lighten the mood. Two guys walk into a bar, and one of them is Irish.
Paul: I'm Irish.
Ross: ... And the Irish guy wins the joke.

Ross: And that's the story of the dreidel. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolizing life's triumph over death. And that was, like, four thousand years ago.
Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.

Ross: Fine, have me fired. But I want you to know that we are not that different. I mean...I too, am a "neat guy".