[At Wilshire Boulevard Temple Ari and Nick Rubenstein try to convince studio president Arthur Gatoff about approving Vince's talent fee to replace Benicio del Toro in Medellin. He is not happy to see them]
Arthur Gatoff: This is wildly inappropriate coming to my shul, this day of all days, to discuss money. I have a bad enough reputation here after the hellish divorce I've just gone through.
Ari: At least you're at a place where you can meet a nice Jewish girl, Arthur. [Gatoff looks at him] Come on, we were at temple too. This is time sensitive, God would understand! We all have to take care of our own -
Gatoff: Ari, I have to go back inside.
Nick Rubenstein: Arthur, you said you'd meet Vince's quote.
Gatoff: You said his quote was three.
Rubenstein: I was wrong.
Gatoff: You and your father have been wrong about a lot of things on this one, Nick. Maybe animation is more your bag.
Rubenstein: Wow, cut the Rubensteins like that, on the high holiday...
Gatoff: I'm sorry, forgive me.
Rubenstein: Arthur, I forgive you, but just make a quick phone a call it'll take a second, but -
Gatoff: Nick, I don't know what goes on at that half-church reform synagogue of yours, but here, we don't talk business on Yom Kippur. Now please, before I get angry... [leaves]

[Enraged over Josh Weinstein's tip to Eric about Ari allegedly ordering a shutdown of the Queens Boulevard project, Ari finds Josh at a beach house talking to some people in the middle of a party]
Ari: Does your boss know you're using his house? [crowd quiets down] 'Cause I put a call into him. He and I went to school together. I helped him cheat on his Economics final. That's how he got his degree, he owes me big-time.
Josh Weinstein: You called my boss?
Ari: Absolutely. You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's motherfucking clients, but in your case I'm going to make an exception. I'm going to take everyone: your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers...when I'm done with you, you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface. [takes drink from Josh, sips it and throws it away] That's awful.

Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric during a marriage counseling session] There better be a SCUD missile headed towards Beverly Hills, Eric.
Eric: No, it's a fucking iceberg, Ari.
Ari Gold: What?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Fuck you. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: No, I heard it from Josh Weinstein, jerkoff. Now, why don't you get your hand off your dick and go call somebody.
Ari: [talking to Lloyd over the phone] I don't care if he's in the Arctic shelf. Get James Cameron on the phone, get Dana Gordon on the phone, tell her assistant that if she does not call me back, I'll fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.
Lloyd: Do you really want me to say that?
Ari: Improvise, Lloyd. I'll there in 90 seconds, find out who covers Warners. If all of this is not taken care of, I'll choke you out with a strap-on!

Ari: Everybody stop. I didn't go to the Lakers game because they're playing the fucking Bobcats. And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate. How to answer a question without a question. Basic Humanity 101. Which, I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. Or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me -- I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with and just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number, like wife #1 and therapist #7. Good day.
Mrs. Ari: You're really only our fifth.

[Medellin has finished screening, and the heckles have started flying]
Dana Gordon: Thanks for not selling me this movie Ari, it's the one nicest thing you've ever done for me. [to Yair Marx, whose beside Ari] Congratulations Yair, I hear it's all yours.
Yair Marx: I didn't sign anything.
Ari: What are you talking about?
Marx: That's the worst piece of shit I've ever seen!
Ari: Yair, we had a deal.
Marx: Sue me, my company's based out of Dubai. [puts on shades] Good luck.
Gordon: I'm sorry, Vince.
Billy Walsh: [in front of screen] Hey! Where the fuck are you French faggots going!?? Show some respect! Go below the line people, and watch the credit! What, no Q and A?
Harvey Weingard: [sits beside Ari] It ain't easy making a movie.
Ari: You come to gloat now Harvey?
Weingard: No, no. I just came to say that E was right, there's genius in this.
Ari: You want to buy it?
Weingard: I do - for one dollar.
Season 5

Ari: Chang Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.
Ari: That's right, baby.

[Drama tries to talk to Johnny's Bananas producer Phil Yagoda about a pay raise with E and Scott's help. Phil is not amused.]
Phil Yagoda: [while driving] Is Dice there too?
Drama: No Phil, we're not crazy.
Phil: Yeah well, Johnny do yourself a favor - don't let anybody cover your ears, so you can hear this - Hey dumb fuck, was this your idea?
Drama: It was Dice's idea. He's put crazy things in my head.
Phil: Yeah, well remind Dice that when we cast him two months ago, he was doing stand-up at a fucking bowling alley.
Drama: He doesn't care.
Phil: Well, you better care Johnny, because if you allow him or anyone else to fuck this up, you're bananas. Go to Dice tell him you don't get a raise because you test well. Maybe remind him about his show called Concrete Heat that I produced and you starred in in 1994 and that tested to the fucking moon. You remember that?
Drama: [attentive because he remembers the show] Yeah, I remember that.
Phil: Yeah, you remember how long it lasted?
Drama: One week.
Phil: Yeah, many people thought it was cancelled in the second half hour.
Drama: Yeah, that's because they put us up against fucking Seinfeld.
Phil: Drama, I know that doing a voiceover is not what you want - I know that you want to get that precious face of yours back in the camera. This will lead to all of that, if you're smart, so be smart and be sure that crazy fuck is too or you will bury us all.

Ari: People, staff meeting has been canceled. You will all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. [shows pic of Drama] Any job. I don't care if its a porn shoot in which he is being gang-raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, if there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. Ten grand to anyone that could deliver this to me today.
Lloyd: [after following Ari out of the conference room] Can I vie for the ten grand prize also, Ari?
Ari: Sure, but you'll get paid in yen. Now try E one more fucking time.

[Vince is not happy with a supposed revelation from James Cameron about being replaced in Aquaman because of co-star Mandy Moore]
Vince: He didn't call?
Ari: No, he did not call.
Eric: Jesus Christ!
Vince: [to Ari] No, you're fucking pathological.
Ari: Listen. Read Jack Welch, Tony Robbins, Phil Jackson. Motivation! This shit works! You want to be Shaq or Kobe? Michael or Scotty? Damon or Affleck?
Eric: [angrily] Ari, do you want to be out of our lives, man, 'cause this could seriously be the end of you.
Ari: I am your biggest fan, I think you are this close to being the biggest movie star on the planet but you are slipping...over a girl? I've never seen you like this before and it worries me.
Eric: Well, worry about yourself, he's fine.
Vince: No, E...he's right to worry about me, I mean you both are, fuck! I'm worried about me. I mean, look at me, I've been lying to you guys like a fuckin' drug addict. I didn't oversleep, I didn't want to go, I never want to leave her side, not for five seconds. I've never been like this in my life, guys. And the truth of the matter is, I don't give a fuck about the movie anymore. I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom in Chatsworth and I'd be happy. I mean it's nuts, but it's the truth.
Ari: Vinny...
Vince: Ari, there's nothing more to say, I'm sorry I lied. [leaves with E]

Ari: How is the most fuckable president of production in town?
Dana: Ari, get the fuck out.
Ari: Brought Cristal and Sprinkles cupcakes.. Your favorite. Or is it mine? What's the difference, we used to eat everything off each other anyway.

[At E's first staff meeting at Murray Berenson, a number of female employees come into the conference room carrying several boxes of large-size pizzas]
Female Employee: These just came at the front desk for you.
E: I didn't order any pizza.
Female Employee: Ari Gold sent them. The delivery boy said "Good luck. You're no longer a pizza boy, you're now [offers boxes] a pizza man." [employees at table laugh]

Drama: [after closing the door on the trailer where an extra stands waiting in bikini] Who's that?
Turtle: It's an extra. You're her favorite character.
Drama: What am I supposed to do with her?
Turtle: Fuck her! What do you think?
Drama: You think I need you to pick up extras for me to bang?
Turtle: Well, I did have to charm about 20 of them before I found one that would say yes.
Drama: Do you know how stupid this is?
Turtle: I thought it'd make you happy?
Drama: No, it doesn't make me happy. I can't have an extra in my trailer. I got sexual harassment lawsuits coming out my ass as it is.
Turtle: I never heard about those.
Drama: I don't tell you everything.

[Drama's cousin Ronnie has offered him a chance to invest in a bar and a call from Jamie-Lynn Sigler for Turtle has just changed his outlook]
Drama: Hey Ronnie, you tell Phil that if this place is henceforth known as Johnny Drama's, I'm in.
Ronnie: Yeah?
Drama: Yeah. [stands and addresses crowd] Hey everyone, I got an announcement to make. The drinks are on me...[crowd cheers] or should I say, the drinks are on...the house! [crowd cheers louder and Drama high-fives Ronnie]

Ari: Sounds like you might too. But I'll tell you what, Domino's is hiring. Why don't you put that little pizza sign on top of your Maserati. Now that, is comedy.
Eric: Yeah, and getting dragged through your office, in front of your entire staff by a guy half your size, Now, that's tragedy [hangs up phone]

Ari: If you don't want to talk and you don't want to have sex, what else is there to do in here?
Mrs. Gold: Do you want to talk?
Ari: I'd rather have sex.