The Sherpa: The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: You afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on Drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right? [shouts] Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fucked up.

Turtle: [To Tom Brady] Do you picture yourself in a Giants jersey? That blue matches your eyes. [Brady is surprised]
Ari: [joins gang] How's your day, boys?
Turtle: We're having dinner at Tom Brady's house.
Ari: [to Brady] You know he's not a Make-A-Wish kid right? [gang laughs]

Turtle: He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Drama: Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.

Turtle: It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event.
Vince: Jesus. Remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana?
Drama: The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call.
Turtle: Yeah. Ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.

Turtle: So, with all that dancing, can you do any crazy shit? You know, like put your legs behind your head.
Dancer: I told you, I have a boyfriend.
Turtle: You did. But you also said you lie to him. So, maybe you can tell him that we didn't fuck today.

Turtle: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.
Drama: Strippers -- why?
Turtle: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers -- how?" and "Thank you"?
Vince: Thank you.

Turtle: Where's Arnold?
Drama: He's right there. I've been watching him.
Turtle: That's a rock! Are you kidding me?

Vince: [talking about picking up where he and Mandy Moore left off] We look at it like we've been dating for five years with a four and a half-year break.

Vince: Any big news stories today, E?
Eric: What do you mean?
Vince: Mandy's really smart. She was always testing me on what was going on in the world.
[Everyone is silent.]
Turtle: I heard Pamela Anderson dropped another tit size.

Vince: That's what good actors do, they listen. Right, Johnny?
Drama: What?

[A police officer has Vince and Turtle processed for questioning related to Carl Ertz' suicide]
Drama: You're not gonna separate them, right?
Police Officer: Why would I?
Scott Lavin: [to officer] Don't mind him. He's seen too many episodes of Law and Order.
Drama: I've been on more episodes than I've seen 'em.

[A proposal meeting for Mary J. Blige as a client with MGA has been disrupted by a fight between Jensen twins Jim and Jeff. Ari summons the two to his office and demands the truth]
Jim Jensen: He fucked my wife, Ari.
Ari Gold: No, he did not. [stammers, to Jeff] You did? You fucked his wife? [Jeff nods] As you?
Jeff Jensen: What?
Ari: Did you pretend to be him [gestures to Jim] or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?
Jim: [To Ari] You think this is funny?
Ari: No, I think this is disgusting!

[Aaron Sorkin and Ari Gold visit Andrew Klein in jail]
Andrew Klein: Act as if you have faith, and fate shall be given to you.
Ari Gold: This is pathetic.
Aaron Sorkin: He's quoting me. It's the West Wing, the Assassination episode.
Klein: I had more of your quotes. I had a lot of ideas, amazing, brilliant ideas, but I couldn't get into my house. My wife wouldn't let me get them and I blew that chance. I blew my marriage and if I blew this with you, I'd blow my career too.
Ari: I'm sorry, Aaron-[Sorkin gestures him to let Andrew speak]
Klein: I drove into my own house for you Aaron. My own, uninsured, overpriced Beverly Hills motherfucking home. I took my car, and I put it into gear, and I drove it [cracking voice] right into my own goddamn living room...for you. Who else would do that? [cries]
Sorkin: [taps screen] I had a rough divorce too. I get it. [pause] We'll give it a shot.
Klein: Really?
Sorkin: Yeah, but if he [points to Ari] ever calls me, I'm gone. [hangs up and leaves]

[Ari and Dana Gordon confront Verner Vollstedt over his problems in shooting Smoke Jumpers with Vince, who's present along with E]
Verner Vollstedt: I'm not gonna take anymore of this shit.
Dana Gordon: Oh yes, you fucking are. Get your ass back here! [Verner walks back to her; Dana keeps pointing a finger at him] I hired you and you have a movie to finish that you are getting paid a lot of money to do and [raises voice] that's exactly what is going to fucking happen! Do you understand me!?
Ari Gold: I do. Anyone else turned on right now?

[Ari and Mrs Ari argue over her guest spot in The Young and the Restless]
Ari: I'm sorry okay, I get jealous.
Mrs Ari: You're possessive. I don't want an apology for that!
Ari: What...for what, then?
Mrs Ari: For... for telling me that I'm old and that I wouldn't photograph in Hi-Def.
Ari: It's a legitimate concern. Look, I just didn't want you doing it alright, I like the way things are. I don't want you on television - I don't want some 19-year-old kissing the lips I'm supposed to be kissing, alright? Listen, if you want to go and be a soap whore everyday, just do it knowing that you make your husband miserable.
Mrs Ari: [sits near him] You think I want to do it, Ari? I gave up acting to have a family and I have never ever regretted it. I like the way things are. Just wanted [hits Ari] one day of stupid fun..
Ari: With Julio down at the schoolyard.
Mrs Ari: Well, if I'm so old and ugly, why do you even care?
Ari: Well some guys are into that -
Mrs Ari: [stands up and towers over him] Tell me that I'm sexy Ari.
Ari: You are the beautiful mother of my children [kisses Mrs Ari] and I respect you. [continues kissing]
Mrs Ari: Oh Julio...JULIO!!
Ari: You little fucking slut!! [beds Mrs Ari]