[to Britta and Annie] Wow. You guys are real downers. I can't believe I made out with both of you.
S2 E3The Psychology of Letting Go
[watching Britta and Annie wrestle in oil] Now this is why I came to America.
What's with the lava lamp?
It's not a lava lamp, it's my mom.
Ooooh, snap! [realizing Pierce is not joking] Wait, what?
S2 E4Basic Rocket Science
[about the new space simulator] Once we clean it, can we go inside?
No. That is a job for some upstanding students, who are training right now in the simulator simulator.
[sitting in a cardboard box] Great job on this. Hard to believe I'm not really not really in space.
There is a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.
We are forty lightyears outside the Buttermilk Nebula, although it's possible that... [he peels away the graphic on their "navagation panel"] Yeah, it's a sticker.
We earn the right to pick on Greendale by going there every day. Our school may be a toilet, but it's our toilet. Nobody craps in it but us.
S2 E5Messianic Myths and Ancient Peoples
I always thought that Jesus just walked on water and told people not to have abortions, but it's so much cooler than that. He was like E.T., Edward Scissorhands, and Marty McFly combined. I would love to make a Jesus movie.
I don't even believe in God but I love me some Abed.
Now, everyone open your textbooks, because Abed has broken the internet.
[Leonard and the others abandon Pierce and Richard after a dementia-ridden Richard crashes the Dean's car]
Let's bail.
Wait a minute; what about Richard?
Screw Richard! It's every man for himself!
Richard, are you alright?
RRichard
Who's Richard? Is that me?
Yes.
RRichard
Then I'm fine. Who are those people running away? Are those my friends?
Now, that's a very good question.
Dear God. My movie is the worst piece of crap I have ever seen in my entire life. How could I have been so blind? It's a self-indulgent, adolescent mess. I can barely sit through it. And now, with all this hype, I've got a real Snakes on a Plane brewing. Critics are gonna crucify me, my career will be over before it begins. God, I know I don't deserve it, but I need your help. Please take this project away from me. Make it rain. Send a meteor. Anything. Please? Now? [pause] Okay, I get it. This is what I deserve. I'll finish it up.
S2 E6Epidemiology
What is UP with that CAT?
Is someone throwing it?
Troy, make me proud: be the first black man to make it to the end.
I love you.
I know.
I'm a dracula.
You mean a vampire?
I don't need to know which dracula I am to be a dracula. Nerd.
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