Troy: Say there are two friends, and they're in the same class, and one of them wants to ask the other one out on date. Like a grown up date, but within biking distance of his parents' house.
Annie: They could do something on campus. Tomorrow there's a picnic with live music on the East lawn. They're calling it 'A Night Under the Stars.'
Troy: Cool. I bet Randy would love that type of thing.
Annie: [disappointed] Randy? Oh, I thought...
Troy: Oh! You thought... I can't believe I mislead you like that. Listen, Randy can be the name of a guy or a girl. And in this case, it is definitely a girl. Thanks for your help.
[Troy walks away, Annie calling after him]

Troy: Taking a call girl to an STD fair? There's a joke here.
(Begins writing in notebook) (After some time has passed)Don't eat the crab dip, hey yay.

Troy: That's one of my biggest fears.
Abed: What is?
Troy: If I ever, like, woke up as a donut...
Abed: You would eat yourself?
Troy: I wouldn't even question it.

Troy: The only difference between Señor Chang and Stalin is that I know who Señor Chang is.

Troy: There is a time and a place for subtlety, and that time was before Scary Movie.

Troy: We are forty lightyears outside the Buttermilk Nebula, although it's possible that... [he peels away the graphic on their "navagation panel"] Yeah, it's a sticker.

Troy: Where's Abed? I need to talk to him about his films.
Shirley: That boy is flat out prescient! He can read our minds!
[Abed walks in and everyone stares at him]

Whitman: By Zeus! What kind of jackassery is this?

Whitman: Little trick for acheiving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision the opponent having aggressive sex with my mother.

[Abed is being a "different version of himself"; Annie is standing in as the girl]
Abed: What are you reading?
Annie: Pride and Prejudice.
Abed: So you're familiar with two sins... how about a third?
Shirley: Ooh! [Everyone leans in closer as Abed pulls out a cigarette case.]
Annie: I don't think we're allowed to smoke in here.
Abed: Well, then you picked the wrong outfit, didn't you.
[Abed leans in for a kiss and is interrupted at the last second.]
Shirley: Abed, what are you doing?!
Abed: Don Draper from Mad Men. What did you think?
Britta: Weird.
Troy: Awesome.
Pierce: Put your tongue in her ear.
Annie: I liked it.

[after Jeff is eaten by Hum-bugs for being sarcastic]
Annie: Ooh! Can I sing this one? [Abed nods and Annie sings] Bitter shallow hipster / Sweater matching socks / Christmas needs more presence / Than a haircut in a box.
Troy: Annie. Nice!
Annie: Get what I did with the word presence?

[Annie has betrayed the group]
Jeff: Now she is going to make the Disney face: her lip is going to quiver and her eyes will flutter but they won't ever actually close but do not feel sorry for her!

[Annie, Troy, and Abed are about to break into an office]
Troy: Annie, go back and keep lookout.
Annie: Wait, why me lookout; why not you guys?
Troy: 'Cause if someone comes up here Kanye and Kumar get taken to jail; you get taken to dinner.
Annie: [flouncing energetically] You guys! I'm the smartest one in this group and all I've been used for is bait and distraction! [notices that the others are looking at her chest] Ugh! Go on your stupid mission; I hope it sucks. [leaves]
Troy: What did she say?
Abed: I don't know.
Troy: All I heard was "suck".

[Britta and Jeff are talking about Vaughn]
Britta: I'm just worried that he's thinking a little bit more intensely about this thing than I am. He says stuff, you know, after...
Jeff: ...school?
Britta: After...
Jeff: ...dinner mints?
Britta: After...
Jeff: ...not having sex?

[Britta turns off the TV.]
Jeff: Hey, what are you doing? That was The Jeffersons, honky...
Britta: I was wrong, OK? Material possessions are important. Think how much happier The Jeffersons were than that family on Good Times.
Jeff: Yeah, but they had good times.