Abed: Here we are, a log cabin I rented so we could be intimate in safety because it's not the fifties so we don't have to park our car and neck at expression point.
Britta: That makes sense, I'm turned on by how logical you are.

Abed: Just so you know, Jeff, you are now creating six different timelines.

Annie: [Singing like Betty Boop] Teach me how to understand Christmas
Show me how to open a box
It hurts my little head
When I'm lying in my bed
With visions of sugarplum... socks?
Jeff: [Confused] Is this a bit?
Annie: Teach me how to understand Christmas
Do I trim the tree or the deer?
I can't keep it straight
And now it's getting late
Where does the stocking go? [Puts it on her head] Here? I can't see!
What's a Christmas Eve, is that Santa's lady?
Are snowmen cold or hot?
Won't you be my daddy?
I'm a silly Christmas baby!
Tell me what to deck, 'cause I forgot!
Jeff: Annie�
Annie: Bwain hurty understandy Chwsitmas
Mistletoe for eaty, taste good?
You smarty, me dumb; help pwetty have fun!
Boopy doopy boop doop SEX!
Jeff: Look, eventually you hit a point of diminishing returns on the sexiness.
Annie: What's a diminimuhmm... [Devolves into babbling]

Annie: [To Jeff] I thought I was representing the sisterhood. Thought I was teaching you a lesson about all the girls you dominate and then ignore. Not to waste your energy on some weird, cloying, hypersensitive stalker with a girl's name.
Kim: Hey! You are really mean.
Annie: Put it in a letter, Jane Austen!

Annie: The Dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own: the Dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, then I've given almost two weeks of life to an idiot; that is unacceptable. Therefore, the Dean is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.
Abed: Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
Annie: Is it something that the Dean created? Because if not, I don't care.

Annie: Well, the real important thing is that there is a Model U.N., it doesn't really matter who starts it. It just means her name goes on some charter and she gets to put it on her resume, and lead the Greendale team to the national Model U.N., and meet Kofi Annan, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and will.i.am.
Troy: [Excited] Boutros Boutros-Ghali?!

Britta: [To Annie] When you become roomates with friends, the things you love about them become the things that makes you want to smother them with a pillow.

Britta: [To Shirley and Pierce] I am not a whore, and not that I've done the math, but if I were, I'd be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.

Britta: I can excuse racism, but I draw the line on animal cruelty.
Shirley: You can excuse racism?

Britta: Okay, guys, let's get to Biology on time. I don't want to be a screw up this year.
Jeff: Umm, Britta. [Points to his Biology book while looking at the Chemistry book Britta is holding]
Annie: So we're really doing this without Pierce? It's so sad.
Jeff: Yeah, we've parted ways with our closest, oldest, craziest, most racist, oldest elderly crazy friend. And he's not coming back.
Pierce: [Suddenly from behind Jeff] I'm back.

Britta: Remember last week when I made you guys fill out those anonymous personality tests from my psych class?
Jeff: Look, if you dropped them in another puddle...

Britta: You've got a bowl of olives next to the toilet?
Troy: It's a fancy party, Britta.

Chang: "Arizona backwards is still Arizona backwards." Maybe I was crazy, or maybe I was finally sane.
Chang: ... And I needed answers like a fish needed a bicycle, bad
Annie: [To Jeff] Who the hell are you always texting?! Everyone you know is here!

Garrett: CRISIS ALERT!

Jeff: [As Dean] Welcome to Dean-dale Community Colle-dean! I'm a silly goose. Honk honk! Dean-a-lee-doo! Look at me, this is my sister's outfit!
Dean: Jeffrey, stop. [Pause] You've hit gold. Save some for the screen.