Jeff: Gentlemen, my name is Clarence Thaddeus Foos. My grandfather, Fletcher Morton Foos, invented this game for one purpose: to have the loudest, dumbest thing happen. Now, it has. The game of Foosball is completed. You're free to return to your undoubtedly hearing impaired families.
European guy: Tell you what. We'll stop playing if you can score a point on us.
Jeff: Tempting, but then wouldn't I be playing Foosball, if so how would I not be a loud, weird knob?
German guy: Free shot! I'm not even touching the Foosenshaft.
Jeff: Sorry, Luftballons. I'm above it. [Turns away, then spins back and grabs the poles. The German guy scores a point]
German guy: I wish there was a word to describe the pleasure I feel at viewing misfortune.

Jeff: Not liking Glee club doesn't make us bullies. And implying that is reverse bullying.

Jeff: Oh, look, Indiana Jones and the apartment of perpetual viginity.
Troy: Haha! Chop busted, fellow adult. Chop busted.

Jeff: What are you guys doing here on a Saturday night? Shouldn't you be making weird art movies or well-engineered cars?
European guy: You take that back!
German guy: We came to play. Get away from our table.
Shirley: We're using it, strudel-brain.
Jeff: Nice.
German guy: Then play us for it.
Shirley: Fine! Monday morning. Only let's make it interesting: the loser never gets to use this table again.
German guy: Oh you are so on that things have now become very much like Donkey Kong.
Jeff: We're gonna kick das butt.
Shirley: Nice.
Jeff: Thank you.
German guy: Enough Teutonic punnery! Monday morning, you get this. [Kicks a soccer ball at Jeff like a Foosball-figure]
Jeff: Were you guys walking around with a soccer ball just so you could do that? They left the ball and everything. I think they were literally walking around with it like a prop to use. It's like a $25 bit, and it's not even that good!

Shirley: Oh, Starburns. I see you added a lizard to your special hat and sideburns. Am I missing anything?
Starburns: Yeah, the human being underneath it all, but no one's really interested in that, are they?
Shirley: No.

Todd: What is wrong with you people?! Huh?! I thought you were supposed to be friends! I thought you were supposed to love each other! Your love is weird! And toxic! And it destroys everything it touches! I no longer care about grades! Or Biology, or finally graduating from college like I promised my dying father. I'm going home. I'm going to hold my wife and my child close and I'm going to finally take my insulin shot! Offense taken! [Quietly] Offense taken.

Troy: How did we get the short straw?
Abed: It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Troy: Yeah, well, it looks pretty cold to me.
Abed: Cold or dead?.
Troy: Survey says...
Abed: We can't both do the zinger.

[Pierce has decided to do a gay bash party for his new product]
Britta: Wow, Pierce, congratulations on meeting the minimum requirement for open-mindedness.
Annie: Yeah, I'm really proud of you, you're growing up as a person.
Jeff: Oh, good grief, he's not supporting gay people, they're supporting him. If Mexicans were buying his wipes he would have ridden in on a donkey.