Community quotes
200 total quotesSeñor Chang: [On seeing Jeff and Pierce's presentation materials] Why are there costumes involved? These are short conversations, they're not supposed to take...
Jeff: ...Your breath away? Well, tough.
Jeff: ...Your breath away? Well, tough.
Shirley: [excitedly] Guys, guys, do you know I actually have a civil case against that bitch that stole my husband?
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: She's a stripper: life sued her, and she lost.
Jeff: Shirley, don't sue a stripper.
Shirley: Why not?
Jeff: She's a stripper: life sued her, and she lost.
Shirley: Can we have a protest? I want to protest the hell out of something.
Annie: We can have a candlelight vigil, like lesbians have on the news!
Annie: We can have a candlelight vigil, like lesbians have on the news!
Shirley: I'm so sick of the dean jamming his PC-ness down my throat.
Jeff: Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
Jeff: Pierce, I'd like to commend you for letting that one go.
Shirley: Oh, Starburns. I see you added a lizard to your special hat and sideburns. Am I missing anything?
Starburns: Yeah, the human being underneath it all, but no one's really interested in that, are they?
Shirley: No.
Starburns: Yeah, the human being underneath it all, but no one's really interested in that, are they?
Shirley: No.
Shirley: Pierce has got a girlfriend!
Britta: That's great. What's she do?
Pierce: She's an escort.
Shirley: Oh...
Jeff: Some mysteries solve themselves, don't they?
Britta: That's great. What's she do?
Pierce: She's an escort.
Shirley: Oh...
Jeff: Some mysteries solve themselves, don't they?
Shirley: You don't see me saying anything crazy about Abed and Troy's weird relationship.
Abed and Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.
Abed and Troy: [to each other] They're just jealous.
Shirley: You have been sexually harassing me since the very first day of class.
Pierce: Sexually harassing? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?
Pierce: Sexually harassing? That makes no sense to me. Why would I harass someone who turns me on?
Slater: Hi, Michelle Slater, Ph.D.
Britta: Britta Perry, G.E.D.
Slater: Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?
Jeff: Well, when you say classmate, it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste.
Britta: Britta Perry, G.E.D.
Slater: Oh, are you a classmate of Jeff's?
Jeff: Well, when you say classmate, it sounds like we take naps together and eat paste.
Special Agent Glenn Keenlan: [Inspects Abed's backpack] He's clean. Although I should probably warn you about this bootleg copy of The Last Airbender.
Abed: Where were you a week ago?
Abed: Where were you a week ago?
Study Group: [Singing] To you!
Pierce: That was weird, how come we only sang the last two words? What happened to the happy birthday part?
Shirley: You know Troy's a Jehovah's Witness, he doesn't celebrate birthdays.
Abed: Annie and I did our best to keep the language on the cake compliant.
Troy: [Reading the message written on his birthday cake] Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.
Pierce: That was weird, how come we only sang the last two words? What happened to the happy birthday part?
Shirley: You know Troy's a Jehovah's Witness, he doesn't celebrate birthdays.
Abed: Annie and I did our best to keep the language on the cake compliant.
Troy: [Reading the message written on his birthday cake] Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.
Todd: What is wrong with you people?! Huh?! I thought you were supposed to be friends! I thought you were supposed to love each other! Your love is weird! And toxic! And it destroys everything it touches! I no longer care about grades! Or Biology, or finally graduating from college like I promised my dying father. I'm going home. I'm going to hold my wife and my child close and I'm going to finally take my insulin shot! Offense taken! [Quietly] Offense taken.
Troy: [about Annie's Psych experiment] Do they do stuff to your butt?
Annie: No!
Troy: Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
Annie: No.
Troy: It's fine, I'll do it.
Annie: No!
Troy: Do you get paid more if they do stuff to your butt?
Annie: No.
Troy: It's fine, I'll do it.
Troy: [talking about the paintball competition] What's the prize?
Dean Pelton: It was a DVD Blu-Ray player but it was stolen, so now it's TBD.
Troy: I want TBD; is that new?
Pierce: if it's what I think I had it for a month in the seventies.
Dean Pelton: It was a DVD Blu-Ray player but it was stolen, so now it's TBD.
Troy: I want TBD; is that new?
Pierce: if it's what I think I had it for a month in the seventies.