Butt-head: They're making him fight the janitor.
Beavis: Fight, yeah!
Butt-head: If I was a janitor, I'd like, throw a bunch of sawdust with puke at him, and then I'd go "Now who's bad?"
[a man jumps off a tall building]

Butt-head: This buttmunch sounds like Dave Mustaine.
Beavis: Yeah, really. [imitates Dave Mustaine, growls incomprehensible gibberish]
Butt-head: Yeah. What a buttmunch!
Beavis: Whoa look, he just flipped somebody off!
Butt-head: He did?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, that's pretty cool cool.
Butt-head: Uhh, not unless we know who he flipped off.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: [sees a man being crucified] Maybe he flipped off that dude.
Beavis: Yeah, what is that?
Butt-head: Uhh, I think it's like, a gong.
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, you hit him in the nads and he goes [screams] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
Butt-head: Yeah. Why don't they do that? It might help the song out a little bit.
Johnny Cash, Delia's Gone

Butt-head: This chick has more teeth than most people.
Beavis: Yeah. Bite me!

Butt-head: This chick has small nostrils.
Beavis: I think anybody's nostrils would look small to you, Butt-head. You look like a cow.
Butt-head: Well, I may have big nostrils, but you know what that means.
Beavis: Oh yeah. It means you have lots of loogie.
Butt-head: Okay, Beavis. You'll be thinking about loogies and I'll be slapping around my gigantic schlong.
Helium, XXX

Butt-head: This chick is weird.
Beavis: This chick's mouth is crooked.
Butt-head: I wonder why.
Beavis: Yeah. Why is it crooked?
Butt-head: Uh... I don't know.

Butt-head: This chick's got kinda, like, a big mouth.
Beavis: Yeah, really. And her nose is kinda big too.
Butt-head: And you know what they say about having a big nose.
Beavis: Oh yeah. She's probably got a big schlong too.
Butt-head: Yeah. Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
Beavis: You can't really do that, Butt-head. So don't even try.
Butt-head: I'm pretty good at smacking you upside the head, though.
Juliana Hatfield, What A Life

Butt-head: This chick's name is T'Pau.
Beavis: Yeah. That's Spanish for "This sucks."
Tesla, Call It What You Want

Butt-head: This dude looks like one of those drunk businessmen at those croaky-okey bars.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Remember that time we were looking in the window, and we saw that big fat slob? He was going, "I'm crazy..."
Butt-head: Then remember when that Chinese dude got up, and he sang, [mock-Chinese accent, sings] "You ain't nothing but hound dog, crying all the time"
Beavis: Oh yeah. And then he sang, [mock-Chinese accent, sings] "Love me tender, love me true, never let me go..." [mock-Chinese gibberish] Taekwondo, better than Thai boxing!
Butt-head: He didn't say that, Beavis!
Pantera, I'm Broken

Butt-head: This dude should get a better apartment.
Beavis: It's like, at least we may not be millionaires, but at least we have decent places to live.
Butt-head: No we don't.
Beavis: Oh, yeah. Well, at least we're pretty happy.
Butt-head: No we're not.
Beavis: Well, at least we have lots of friends.
Butt-head: Not really.
Beavis: Are we healthy?
Butt-head: No.
Beavis: Our lives suck!
Butt-head: Yeah. We're cool.

Butt-head: This dude's chest is about as hairless and puny as yours.
Beavis: Shut up, fartcracker! I could kick this dude's ass.
Butt-head: You mean fartknocker, Beavis.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: And, for the last time, you can't kick anybody's ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah I can! I'm getting bigger. Like...I've been drinking milk and stuff.
Butt-head: Yeah right.
Beavis: No really, Butt-head. I had some last week.
Butt-head: Yeah, but then you spit it out.
Beavis: Yeah, but it was in my mouth long enough for me to, you know, get some vitamins and stuff out of it.
that dog, Old Timer [the band are shown as workers in a hot dog stand]

Butt-head: This first part of the song sounds like the music they play at the Olive Garden.
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah. But then it kicks ass later.
Butt-head: Yeah. The Olive Garden kicks ass too.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. I like to go there and stuff my face with breadsticks, 'cause they're free.
Butt-head: If you leave that place hungry, you're just stupid.

Butt-head: This guy always likes to show off his butt.
Beavis: Yeah. And his butt sucks.
Butt-head: Oh yeah? How do you know?
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I'll kick your ass!
Wilco, Box Full of Letters

Butt-head: This guy keeps saying "I wanna destroy you."
Beavis: Yeah, they got some pretty good lyrics, you know? Seems like it must be pretty hard to come up with stuff like that.
Butt-head: Uh, but you know, I bet if I was making as much money as these guys probably make, I bet I could do it too.
Beavis: Uh... I don't know, Butt-head. I don't know, I mean... you're kinda stupid.
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis! I could come up with stuff like this.
Beavis: OK, let's see you write a song. Come on!
Butt-head: Uh... OK. Uh, let's see. Uh...I wanna hit you.
Beavis: Uh-huh.
Butt-head: Then I wanna kick you. Then I wanna smack you across the face. Uh... then I want some nachos... baby.
Beavis: Whoa! That's pretty good, Butt-head! We should start a band.
Butt-head: Yeah!
Beavis: That'd be cool.
CIV, Can't Wait One Minute More

Butt-head: This guy looks like Jesus.
Beavis: Yeah, Christ is cool!

Butt-head: This is a happy little tune.
Beavis: Can you change the channel, Butt-head?