Butt-head: I've seen this video before. It sucks.
Beavis: Wow! You know, I was just thinking the same thing, then you said it! You must, like, read minds or something.
Butt-head: Uh, yeah, I can do that. I have, like, ESP...N.
Beavis: Whoa, really? That's cool.
Butt-head: Yeah. I knew you were gonna say that.
Beavis: Wow. So what am I gonna say next?
Butt-head: You're gonna say "Yeah, huh huh huh huh"
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh. Wow! You did it again. That's cool!
Butt-head: I knew you were gonna say that, too.
Beavis: Okay, let's try it one more time. I'm gonna think about something.
Butt-head: Okay...ummm....mmmm...dammit Beavis! [slaps Beavis several times]
Beavis: Cut it out, butthole!
Butt-head: Don't ever think about that again.

Butt-head: If I ever get my own car, I think I'm gonna get a truck.
Beavis: Yeah, a truck with a big engine that goes "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Butt-head: Yeah. And one that's razed up thirty feet above the ground. Then I'd, like, drive around town crushing stuff.
Beavis: Yeah, you could get one with one of those musical horns, and when you beep the horn, it goes, [imitates the Iron Man riff] "Dun-dun-da-dun-dun! Dunna-nana-nana-dun-duh-dun-duh!"
Butt-head: That would be cool.
Beavis: Then all the chicks would go out with you.
Butt-head: If they didn't, we'd like, run over their cars.
The Cure, Caterpillar

Butt-head: If I was a clown, I'd make it so like my head would explode when you pull my finger, and all this crap would like fly out of my head and land on other people and stuff.
Beavis: Yeah. If I was a clown, I'd go to all the parties, and like eat all the cake, and take stuff home with me.
Butt-head: That's what you do at parties anyway, Beavis.
Beavis: Yeah, but then I'd be a clown, so I'd like have all these big shoes and stuff, so it'd be different.
Butt-head: If I was a clown, I'd kick your ass, Beavis, until it's beet red and I'd say, [Clown-like voice] "Look, kiddies! Look at his butt!"
Beavis: Yeah, and then I'd say, "Thanks for coming to the show. Hope you had a good time. See you next time."
Butt-head: Yeah. That would be cool.
Chris Isaak, Somebody's Crying

Butt-head: If they really had Satan on this song, it's like, you'd hear him talking backwards and stuff, because he can do that.
Beavis: Oh yeah. You know, I can talk backwards.
Butt-head: No you can't!
Beavis: Yes sir! Check this out. [backwards speech] Stnerap ruoy yebo. Loohcs ni yats.
Butt-head: Whoa! That was cool.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah.
Butt-head: Do it again, Beavis!
Beavis: Um, okay. Check this out. Okay, here goes. [backwards speech] Hguone si hguone. [normal speech] See? [backwards speech] Gniog ti s'woh yeh.
Butt-head: That was cool! So, like, what did you say just then?
Beavis: I said "Hey, how's it going?" You should try it.
Butt-head: Uhh, let me see. Uhh...Beavis is a wuss. Ah, I mean, uhh...wuss a is Beavis.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, see? Anybody can do it. [backwards speech] Stnerap ruoy yebo dna loohcs ni yats.

Butt-head: If this video had some explosions, it would be the coolest video ever.
Beavis: Yeah, and like, if the music was cool too.
Butt-head: Oh yeah. And they'd have to have some like, better singing.
Beavis: Yeah, and not those guys.
Butt-head: Yeah. Then it would rule.

Butt-head: If this was a real concert, some roadie'd be up there in like two seconds, kicking their asses off the stage.
Beavis: Yeah, he'd just like, throw 'em out into the crowd.
Butt-head: That dude would probably break a bunch of bones and stuff, but at least he got some.
Soundgarden, Black Hole Sun

Butt-head: If you go to Seattle, everybody you see are cool. We should go dude.
Soundgarden, Spoonman

Butt-head: Is that that Christian Slater dude?
Beavis: Yeah. It's like "Christians? Later, dude."
Butt-head: Beavis, quit trying to be funny. It never works.

Butt-head: Is this another video with big Muppets?
Beavis: Yeah. Yeah, here we go. Seems like they have these, like, big bird things in every video now.
Butt-head: Yeah.
Beavis: I was just thinking, you know, you ever notice, um...Big Bird? He never poops.
Butt-head: Uh, yeah.
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, they should have him poop. Then it'd be more realistic.
Butt-head: [laughs] Then Big Bird could have a big turd.
Beavis: [laughs] Oh yeah, that's pretty good, Butt-head!
Butt-head: I'm pretty funny.

Butt-head: Is this like, a commercial for VH1?
Beavis: Yeah. "The difference between you and your parents".
Butt-head: That's stupid.
Anthrax, Hy Pro Glo

Butt-head: Is this like, classic rock?
Beavis: Uh... I don't know.

Butt-head: Is this Michael Jackson?
Beavis: I think it's that bee from that Blind Melon video.

Butt-Head: Is this one of those beer commercials?
Beavis: Yea, this is that one where that dude goes out in the desert, and then he opens up the beer and it starts snowing....."Step out of the old, and into the cold"...
Butt-Head: Uhh..."Nothing Beats a Butt!"

Butt-head: Is this Spinal Tap?
Beavis: Yeah, Tap is cool!
Butt-head: This isn't Spinal Tap! This sucks!
Beavis: Yeah, this sucks!

Butt-head: Is this the Monkees?
Beavis: They look like butt-monkeys. Is this that episode where they go to the dude ranch?
Butt-head: Uhh, you're thinking of Happy Days, dumbass.
Beavis: Oh yeah. Heyy, sit on it. Sit on my butt.
Butt-head: That reminds me of this joke. There's this dude and he like, meets this slut in a bar, and they're like, uhh, going back to her place. But then like, he, uhh, can't find his keys. But then he needs like a flashlight, and then he says, "Help me find my keys and we can drive outta here."
Beavis: Um, heh. I don't get it.
Butt-head: She was a slut.
Beavis: Oh yeah! [they both chuckle]